Blood Stained Kisses
by IceQueenRia
Summary: 2 young friends declared themselves blood brothers, now teenagers and no longer friends, one of them continues to bleed in silence, suffering all alone, too proud to seek help. Puck/Finn SLASH. Warning-selfharm, abuse, gay-loving
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Blood Stained Kisses**

**Summary: 2 young friends declared themselves blood brothers, now teenagers and no longer friends, one of them continues to bleed in silence, suffering all alone, too proud to seek help. Puck/Finn SLASH**

**I know this isn't the most popular pairing, but I really like them and wanted to have an attempt at it**

**Chapter 1**

Hiding away in his bedroom, he tried in vain to block out the yells from downstairs and the sobs that sounded from the bedroom down the hall. Collapsing onto his bed, he massaged his aching ribs. He let out a sharp wince from the pain and bit down on his lip.

Carefully pulling his shirt up, he inspected the damage and found a series of fresh bruising forming along with the older discolouration that had yet to fade. That was the price he had to pay for daring to interfere when his mum and her boyfriend had their private 'talks'.

The man, Simon, was bigger, broader and stronger than him. He was a fighter at heart and he always landed a few kicks and punches of his own, but Simon always bested him. Then his mum would beg him to leave them to it and go upstairs.

He always wanted to protest, sometimes he did, but it was always useless. After a few more hits from Simon and more pleading from his mother, he would do as he was told and head upstairs feeling disgusted with himself every single time he walked away leaving his mother with that monster.

He would pause outside his sister's door and hear the sound of her crying. It pained him immensely but he could never bring himself to enter her room and try and comfort her. Instead, he would carry on to his own room and try to pretend that he was elsewhere.

Everything was just so messed up and he didn't know what to do about it. During the rare times when Simon was not around, Puck would urge his mum to break up with him and put an end to their torment. It never worked. She always insisted that she loved him and that he loved her too and things would be better this time. They never were.

The worst part was that Puck felt as though he had brought this nightmare onto his family. Ever since his deadbeat father left, Puck and his sister had both yearned for a father figure and his mother had been so lonely. She tried to conceal it with gentle eyes, soft smiles and reassuring hugs but Puck saw through it.

So when he was fourteen he had decided to do something about it. He was going to find his mum the perfect man. After a great deal of consideration, he had finally found the perfect candidate, Simon Roberts.

The man was smart, wealthy and owned a nice car. He seemed great and when Puck had first introduced him to his mother the two seemed to connect right away. He was good to her when they first started dating. He would bring his mum flowers for no reason at all. He seemed like a gentleman. He'd even stop by to help Puck with his homework.

Then when Simon moved in with them it all went so horribly wrong. It was like meeting a stranger. The man who yelled at him, his sister, at his mother, that wasn't the Simon they had known and loved. In his place was a hideous monster, one they could not run away from.

The guy seemed angry all the time even though there was no reason for him to be. He hated the man so Puck tried to avoid him as much as possible. Rather than return home after school, he'd head over to Finn's or some girl's house. Then when he was at school, he skipped every Math class and took a nap in the Nurses office instead, because Simon, or Mr. Roberts as he was known by at McKinley, was one of the schools Math teacher's.

His mum had been with Simon for two, almost three years now and the man didn't show any indication that he planned on leaving. Unfortunately, his mum didn't seem like she'd be ending the relationship anytime soon either.

He wanted to tell someone, he really did, but he never managed to get the words out. If Mr. Schue or Miss Pillsbury ever looked at him with concern and asked if everything was ok, he would shrug and say he was fine before cracking a joke. When his friends asked if something was going on, he lied and changed the subject or, if they were a girl, distracted them with his lips and his guns.

Of course, nowadays, Puck didn't really have friends. After stupidly sleeping with Quinn, his best friend's girl and getting her pregnant, his old friends wanted nothing more to do with him. He had hoped that Quinn would be someone he could lean on for support but she wanted nothing to do with him either. She blamed him for ruining her reputation, refused to allow him to have anything to do with the baby that she planned to have adopted, and made it clear to all that she despised him. She was living with Mercedes Jones and her family having been kicked out of her home by her father and Finn and his mum politely asking her to leave their home after learning the truth about Puck being the baby's father.

So Puck was on his own. Even Santana wouldn't speak to or sleep with him anymore now that she had gone all not-so-secret-lesbians with Brittany.

It seemed there was nowhere for him to go after school anymore, unless he wanted to trail the streets alone like some loser. So he always ended up returning to the hellhole that was a mockery of what ought to be a home.

Sitting alone in his room, he looked at his phone wanting more than anything for it to ring, to know that somebody cared. But the phone remained still and silent. He considered phoning or texting someone, but he doubted they'd even answer.

Hearing the sound of what he took to be a glass smashing, Puck closed his eyes and wished he could be somewhere, anywhere else.

His mind took him back to happier times, when he was still a boy, young, happy and carefree but still a badass. He remembered some fun times he and Finn had once shared and he smiled at the fond memories.

He missed his former best friend and yearned to rekindle their friendship more than anything but Finn wouldn't give him the time of day. The knowledge that the break down of their friendship was his fault tormented Puck daily. If he'd just thought with his head or his heart for once rather than his teenage hormonal dick then none of the baby-gate fiasco would have happened. He wouldn't have destroyed Quinn's reputation, his friends wouldn't hate him, and most importantly, Finn wouldn't hate him.

Perhaps he could be over at Finn's house at that moment, playing computer games and eating snacks.

The day his father left, Puck had been crushed, painfully so. It was Finn who helped him through that tough and confusing time. It had always been Finn. Any time, night or day, if Puck needed someone for whatever reason, then he would call Finn and the boy would always be there for him.

They were best friends, always had been, and Puck had always just assumed that they'd remain best friends until they were old and grey and no longer able to use their dicks.

But he'd ruined that by sleeping with Quinn. He wasn't even sure why he did it. Although Quinn was beautiful and popular, Puck had no genuine feelings for her. True, he didn't have actual feelings for most of the girls he took to bed, but this was his best friend's girl. He shouldn't have even thought about touching her regardless as to whether he had feelings for her or not. It was stupid, reckless and Puck regretted it every day.

He didn't care so much that Quinn and every other girl in school loathed his very being. It didn't bother him when teacher's or parent's shot him disapproving stares, knowing the trouble he had gotten Quinn in to. Quinn's refusal to allow him to be at the birth of their child certainly stung a little, but even that wasn't the worse part. The worst part was still that he had betrayed Finn, his brother, his boy.

Back when they were seven years old, the two of them had camped out in a tent in Finn's backyard. On that night, they had become 'blood brothers' and vowed to remain best friends forever, and always be there to look out for the other. They used a pocket knife they had found in Finn's basement amongst his deceased father's old things and both made a small incision on the palm of their hand. They had then pressed their cut hands together, allowing their blood to mingle as they made their oaths.

Looking down at his hand now, it was almost as if the blood was still there, taunting him with the vow he had broken and the friend he had lost.

Hearing more shouting from downstairs, he grabbed his pillow and held it over his face, hoping to block out the sound, maybe even suffocate himself. It didn't work of course; he could still hear his mum arguing with that pitiful excuse for a man. In his frustration, he threw his pillow at the bedroom door. The action didn't help at all, if anything he only felt worse.

Feeling his anger bubble up dangerously inside of him, Puck rolled off his bed and stomped down the stairs before throwing the front door open then slamming it shut behind him. He stormed off down the street, allowing his feet to direct him through the darkness.

Eventually, he came to a stop outside Finn's house, a home that held so many fond memories. Before everything Quinn-related, Puck had always felt welcome inside those walls, but not now. Even though he was only stood on the path outside, he felt like an intruder. He didn't belong there anymore, Finn didn't want him. But he didn't feel as if he belonged at his own home either. He didn't feel like he belonged anywhere.

Sighing, he crept up the pathway and stood on the doorstep. He lifted a hand and placed it upon the wood of the door, somehow finding a sense of comfort from the feel. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead on the door wanting nothing more than for Finn to pull it open and invite him inside with a goofy smile, just like old times.

Listening carefully, he could just make out the faint sounds of some television programme accompanied by Carole and Finn's laughter as they watched it together.

In the past, there had been plenty of times when Puck had sat alongside them thinking it was boring and lame. Yet he would give anything to sit with them now. Because Carole's choice in T.V shows may well be boring, but Finn's company was far from lame. Being friends with Finn was just about the only thing of worth Puck had ever had, and he'd destroyed it.

Hearing another burst of laughter from the mother and son carved a wound into Puck's heart. He turned away and hurried off into the night with only his shadow for company.

He came to a stop by the children's play park. The very one he and Finn had so often frequented in their younger years. Back in those days, Finn had been shorter than him and Puck used to push him on the swings. Their favourite spot however had always been underneath the large slide. It was a big tunnel for them to crawl around in. At least, it had been big then, but as Puck crawled into it now it seemed a great deal smaller.

Memories of happier times with Finn overpowered him before the harsh reality of today's truth burned into his brain. Reaching into his jeans pocket, he pulled out a pocketknife, the very same one he and Finn had used when they declared themselves 'blood brothers'.

He flicked it open then lightly ran his finger across the blade, the silver cold to the touch. Biting his lip, he toyed with the idea of slicing the blade into his palm, just as he had done all those years ago with Finn.

Shaking his head, he snapped the pocketknife shut but did not put it away. He tried to think of other things, song lyrics, dance steps, Santana's boobs… anything to tempt his mind away from the alarming desire to make himself bleed, to feel the happiness he had felt when making that very first cut with Finn.

For several long and silent minutes, he battled against that unexplainable longing. But no knight can keep fighting forever. Swords, shields and armour inevitably become too heavy. Knowing the fight was lost, Puck accepted defeat and allowed his pocketknife to taste its victory.

Without letting so much as wince escape his lips, Puck looked down to inspect his palm and the thin crimson river he had created.

Not a word,

And not a tear,

Don't voice the pain,

Don't show the fear,

Take the blade,

Then slice the skin,

Free the blood,

That's trapped within,

Do not cry,

And don't you shout,

Bleed in silence,

Bleed it out.

**So… shall I continue?**

**Please Review**

**IQR xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those of you who reviewed, let's spread the Fuck love. Well, it'll be a while before the Fuck love happens but whatever.**

**Hope ya'll continue to enjoy the fic**

**Chapter 2**

School had never really been something Puck enjoyed. It had always been something he endured. Lately, everything in his life seemed to be that way. There was no enjoyment anymore, no laughter, and no fun. Instead there was emptiness, misery and guilt.

Throughout his school career, Puck had always prided himself on his popularity and his 'way with the ladies'. Now that his popularity was non-existent and girls avoided him as if he was some kind of pariah, Puck realised that the best thing about school, about anything, had always been Finn. Of course, he no longer had the boy's friendship.

Sitting at the back of his Spanish class, he kept flicking his gaze to the back of Finn's head. He was sat near the front, and Puck could just imagine the look of confusion upon his face as he struggled to understand the foreign language Mr. Schue was fluently speaking.

There was a time when Puck used to sit beside Finn, always helping Finn with anything he didn't understand, which was usually everything any teacher said. It was a little known fact that Puck was actually quite smart. He just couldn't be bothered to put in the effort. Most of the time he'd skip lessons and he rarely did homework, but he always showed up for exams and quizzes and did any required reading at home.

Class ended and the students grabbed their things and filed out. Mr. Schue called for Finn to stay behind and Puck found himself taking his time gathering his things and putting them away as he listened to the conversation between teacher and pupil.

"Are you ok, Finn?" Mr. Schue asked concernedly placing his hand on Finn's shoulder. Was it weird that Puck wanted to shove the teacher's hand away and replace it with his own? "It didn't seem like you were following too well."

"I'm just really tired, Mr. Schue." Finn replied with a shrug. "I've got a lot going on. Football, Glee, dating Rachel."

Puck couldn't help the snort of disgust that escaped his lips at the mention of the Jewish girl. Not that he didn't like Rachel. If he ignored her bossiness and didn't listen to most of what she said then she was tolerable. He just thought Finn deserved… not better, because Rachel was a good person underneath the horrible personality… no, Finn just deserved… more.

Upon receiving a glare from Finn, Puck lowered his gaze and quickly shoved the rest of his stuff into his bag before preparing to make his way out.

"You know Finn, maybe you would benefit from some extra tuition." Mr. Schue advised.

Pausing, Puck turned back and stepped towards the teacher's desk.

"Can I help you, Puck?" Mr. Schue asked looking at him enquiringly.

"I could…" Puck began, planning to offer to tutor Finn but he stopped himself. "Nothing. Later, Mr. Schue." He turned round and strolled out shaking his head for thinking of such a daft idea.

He stopped to drop his things in his locker before heading towards the cafeteria. Before he could turn the corner that led to the lunch hall he felt a strong grasp on his upper arm before he was shoved against a wall. His first instinct was to punch his assailant in the face, but when his eyes landed on an annoyed looking Finn the thought abandoned him.

"Hudson." Puck stated dryly, mentally kicking himself. Why couldn't he be a man and at least try to make peace with the best friend he had ever had?

"Watch what you say about my girlfriend." Finn warned him trying to be menacing but it didn't work too well. He never had been good at the intimidation thing, he was just too nice.

"I didn't say a word about your precious Barbara Streisand." Puck retorted, again cursing himself for continuing to be a dick.

"I heard you sniggering back in Mr. Schue's classroom." Finn pointed out. "Just leave me and Rachel alone. Don't take the fact you're all alone out on us. It's not my fault everybody hates you, dude. You messed everything up for yourself."

"Well technically Quinn helped." Puck quipped earning himself a punch to the jaw.

He didn't hit back, he just held his face where he'd been punched and laughed to himself. Finn cast him a disgusted look before stalking away. Still chuckling slightly, Puck ditched his plans to head to lunch and left the school building instead. Weirdly, Finn punching him had felt good. Maybe it was better to have Finn mad at him and throwing punches than just ignoring his existence.

Out in the parking lot, Puck took comfort in the chilly air. Gusts of wind blew in his face and he found it oddly soothing. Feeling more relaxed, he took a casual walk through the mass of vehicles, not even stopping to vandalise any. It didn't seem necessary today.

Finally, he came to a pause beside Quinn's car. He sneered at the automobile as if it had been the cause of his downfall before walking on by. Lingering around Quinn's car would only sour his mood; he needed to think of happier things.

Coming across Hummel's car, he stopped again to admire the vehicle unable to deny that the kid had a sweet ride. He didn't really like Kurt Hummel, not because he was gay, he just didn't like the way he strutted around as if he was better than everyone. No matter how many times Puck threw that kid in the dumpster, he always kept up that air of superiority and turned his nose up at Puck as if he was inferior. Then there was the way he openly lusted after Finn, it was sickening. Although, Puck had to admit that the fairy boy had backed off so maybe he finally realised he'd never have Finn, or perhaps he just wasn't interested anymore.

Moving on, he headed to his own truck and climbed into the driver's seat. He turned the ignition on so he could flick on the radio and made himself as comfortable as he could. As the music played, he looked down at his hand and inspected the small cut he had made. It had been a stupid thing to do, he knew that, but it had felt so good.

He traced the incision with his finger finding that it tickled slightly. He flexed his hand out and the beginnings of the scab split open and a few droplets of blood oozed from the wound. Swearing, he clenched his hand together before searching his car for something to dry the blood with. Unable to locate anything suitable, he simply wiped his hand on his jeans. The stain it left was very subtle and Puck was confident nobody would spot it unless they knew to look for it.

Growing bored with the song that was playing, he switched the radio off. Settling back in his seat, he let his eyes fall closed and rested for a while. By the time he opened them again, lunch was over and he'd missed most of his next class. He considered just ditching for the rest of the day but remembering that he shared his next class with Finn, he opted to stay.

Heading back up to the school, he collected what he needed from his locker then made his way to his classroom. Being the first to enter a lesson was something Puck had never experienced before. Even his teacher widened his eyes in shock but a glare from Puck prevented him from commenting.

Sitting at his desk, Puck took his things out then tapped his fingers on the tabletop as he kept his eyes towards the door waiting for Finn to show. Finn was one of the last through the door and he appeared to have been slushied. As he was a little late, there weren't many seating options left. There was an empty seat beside Puck and a free desk next to him and in front of him.

After what looked to be a great deal of consideration on Finn's part, he finally chose the desk next to Puck, taking the seat furthest away from him.

Swivelling on his chair, Puck rested his feet on the empty seat beside him so that his body was twisted to the side and he was looking at Finn. Tearing a scrap of paper from his notebook, Puck scrawled a simple 'what's up bro?' before screwing it up. He intended to pass it to Finn but he never did. He was sure the other wouldn't even bother to read it, and if he did he certainly wouldn't reply. So the note was shoved into the pocket of Puck's jeans.

The lesson progressed with little incident and soon enough it was over and Finn was walking away. Puck stared after him, wanting to follow but unable to convince his legs to co-operate with his mind's desires. He wanted to walk alongside Finn like the used to and talk and joke about anything and everything. At this point, Puck would even be happy to receive another punch or two from Finn; he just wanted some form of contact.

"Puckerman." His teacher called out waving his hand in front of his face. "The lessons over, not that you paid any attention."

"Whatever." Puck replied before trudging out of the room.

His next lesson was Math but he sure as hell wasn't going, facing Simon at home was bad enough. Instead he trailed the familiar path to the Nurse's office giving the usual excuse of having a migraine and needing to lie down. He was sure she didn't believe him but she let him get away with it anyway and she never asked questions, for that, Puck was grateful.

After his little nap, the tiny old Nurse whose name Puck had never bothered to learn despite how often he visited her office, poked him awake and ushered him out.

He made his way to the choir room for Glee club. As usual, his entrance was ignored by his teammates and he ended up sitting alone, observing the rest of the group but not interacting with them. In truth, it was quite painful, sitting and watching but not being included. Even though they were considered to be a bunch of misfit losers, Puck had always enjoyed Glee club. For him, it was an escape from his appalling home life, and the choir room had always felt like a real home to him. It was safe and there had always been a feeling of inclusion because the group, though vastly different, were able to get along out of respect for one another's talent. At least, that was how it had been before the truth came out. Once everybody, Finn included, had learned that Puck was the father, Puck had been shunned by the rest of them. Rather than feeling like part of the family, he felt as if he were an intruder.

Sometimes, he didn't even know why he stayed in the club. He was nobody would miss him if he left. But he stayed anyway. He had to, whether they liked him or not they needed him or they wouldn't have enough members to compete. Besides, Glee club was an excuse for Puck to be around Finn. Not that he ever took advantage of their time together. There had been so many opportunities for Puck to talk to the other teen, to try and make things right between them, but he never did.

If he only asked, Mr. Schue would easily agree for Puck to perform. He could sing a song to Finn. Singing always seemed to work on girls; maybe it would work on Finn too. But Puck didn't sing deciding that the idea was too gay and not at all badass.

Once again, Finn and Rachel were singing a duet, the two of them chasing each other around the piano as they sang. The difference in their height was comical and Rachel's expressions became steadily more psycho.

He didn't like watching the two perform corny love-songs together. Not that they weren't talented, Puck wouldn't deny that, he just couldn't enjoy it. Maybe he just found it boring and repetitive because the two performed together almost every week. Or maybe it was something else that Puck wasn't willing to acknowledge. All he knew for sure was that watching the two together bothered him.

The two received scattered applause as their song ended and they returned to their seats, beaming from ear to ear.

Mr. Schue then stood before them talking about the importance of apology and forgiveness and such. He scribbled some notes down on the whiteboard as he prattled on before informing them of their homework assignment. They all had to prepare a number that either demonstrated their remorse for something they had done or someone they had hurt, or a song expressing how they forgave someone for hurtful actions against them.

Discreetly, Puck snuck a look at Finn. He should sing a song of apology to him; Mr. Schue had given him the perfect excuse to do so without looking like a pansy. Then he felt a pair of eyes upon him and turned to see Quinn giving him a look that clearly said she expected him to sing a song to her. He turned away from her and focused his attention on Mike and Tina who were readying themselves to perform a dance number.

He did feel bad about everything that had happened with Quinn and he truly was sorry, but his guilt and remorse was for Finn and Finn alone. Finn was a good guy, he hadn't deserved to be betrayed in such a brutal way and he certainly didn't deserve to have Quinn treat him so poorly, though in fairness to the girl, that could have been the baby hormones making her moody. Even though he knew Quinn had suffered a lot, he couldn't bring himself to feel fully apologetic. She had been the one to agree to go back to his place and she was the one who had cheated on Finn. True, Puck's behaviour was just as bad, but Quinn could have said no. It had also been her decision to lie about who was the father of her baby. She could act as innocent as she wanted but she was still as guilty as Puck and he didn't owe her an apology.

So if Quinn expected him to sing to her then she would be disappointed. Puck would sing for Finn, unless he chickened out of course which was a high probability.

Mike and Tina finished their dance routine and Puck applauded along with the others. Mr. Schue talked some more about their apology or forgiveness assignment before dismissing them all.

Out in the parking lot, Puck caught sight of Finn talking easily with Quinn. They even shared a quick one-armed hug before parting ways. Seeing the exchange hurt Puck terribly. If he could forgive Quinn for everything then why couldn't Finn forgive him?

As he drove out of the parking lot, he passed by Finn again. This time he was with Rachel, the two of them kissing. The sight made his stomach churn unpleasantly.

Upon arriving home, his confused and miserable thoughts were drowned out by the shouting match between his mum and Simon. Entering the living-room he glared at the teacher.

"Don't you look at me like that, young man." Simon snapped.

"Go to hell." Puck retorted and the vein in the man's temple began to throb.

"You'd better learn some respect, boy." Simon warned pointing a finger at him.

Puck continued to glare at him in disgust, hating every inch of the man from his highly polished shoes to his mop of oily black hair that was gelled back. The man's moustache quivered as he returned Puck's angry gaze and his hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Go upstairs, Noah." His mum, Sally said.

"Why don't you kick this worthless piece of shit out?" Puck asked.

He knew even before he finished the sentence that he'd feel Simon's fist connect with some part of his body, but he didn't care. The punch came hard and fast, right into his stomach knocking the air out of his lungs. He doubled over in pain before forcing himself upright and throwing a punch of his own. It felt incredibly satisfying to smack Simon in the mouth and watch his lip split open, but it was a short-lived victory. Soon enough, he was gasping for breath as Simon pinned him to the wall, his sausage-like fingers coiled around his throat and squeezing tightly, a sneer on his cut lips and a demented glint in his eye.

It was his mum who managed to pull Simon off by digging her nails into his fists. Letting Puck go, he turned on Sally and gripped her upper-arms with enough force to bruise.

"You stay out of this, woman." Simon snarled at her shaking her slightly before forcing her away from him. "Get to the kitchen and fix my dinner."

"Yes, love." Sally replied meekly as she placed a hand on Puck's shoulder leading him away from her boyfriend. "Upstairs Noah, please."

Sending another dirty look to Simon over his shoulder, Puck did as his mum asked and headed upstairs before shutting himself in his room. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he massaged his aching throat.

Later on, when his mum called to him and his sister that dinner was ready, he ignored the call. His stomach was growling with hunger but he didn't want to sit at the table and eat, not when Simon was there acting like he was the boss of them. Rummaging under his bed, Puck pulled out a pizza box and flipped it open. There were three slices left. They were four days old, stone cold and a little stale but Puck chewed it down anyway.

Much later, he stripped down to his boxers and sat in his bed with the quilt pulled round him. Through the darkness, he stared at the outline of the chest of drawers beside his bed. In the top drawer, along with all of his socks, was the pocketknife.

From inside the drawer, that blade whispered to him, whispers that soon turned to screams. He opened the drawer and wrapped his fingers around the pocketknife. Holding it in his hand, the screams that only he could hear increased in volume. Letting out a low growl of frustration, he tossed the pocketknife back into the sock drawer and slammed it shut. Knees pulled to his chest, he rocked himself and concentrated on breathing steadily as he tried to block out the shrill voices in his head that urged him to cut. Unable to ignore it any longer, Puck reached for the weapon and put the knife to use.

I'm sitting in the dark,

The easiest place to hide,

But perhaps it's not the safest,

When you cannot see the light.

I'm rocking back and forth,

My knees pulled to my chest,

And my skin itches to feel,

That blade upon my flesh.

I'm opening the drawer,

Taking out the blade,

I throw it back inside,

Frustrated and afraid.

I'm beginning to cry now,

Desperate for that pain,

I quickly slam the drawer shut,

Starting to feel that shame.

I'm looking at the drawer again,

Feeling angry with myself,

It will not solve my problems,

That metal will not help.

Eventually I admit defeat,

Need it so badly I give in,

One more time won't hurt,

So I carve into my skin.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thank you to those who reviewed, and I'll point out now that the poems at the end of each chapter are written by me.**

**Chapter 3**

Addictions were such alarming things; something Puck had learned the hard way. His old man had been too fond of the drink. He wasn't a violent drunk; he'd never strike a woman or his children. Apart from the one time Puck had accidentally set fire to the living-room rug, he'd got one hell of a smack for that stunt. Still, the man's love for alcohol had played a key part in why he left them. On the night he left, Puck remembered overhearing him talk with his mother. He had promised her that he was going away for a while to sober up and get himself sorted. Then he'd walked out the door and never returned.

From what Puck could remember, his father hadn't been the best dad in the world. He was lazy or tired much of the time and drunk the rest. At the time, he had seemed like such an awful dad to have and when he left Puck frequently referred to him as a deadbeat loser and other unflattering titles. However, when he looked at the man who shared his mother's bed now, Puck realised how ungrateful he had been. A lazy drunk or not, he'd give anything to have his real dad back in place of the monstrous Math teacher who was ruining his life.

Sex, that was another addiction. One Puck had fell into and was only able to pull himself out of when met with an unplanned teenage pregnancy. Santana and Brittany were also sex addicts. He was sure the two girls were always safe with any sexual partner they had, but still, their constant need for cock or pussy had to be unhealthy.

Other people were addicted to drugs, cigarettes, addicted to seeing other people's fear like Coach Sylvester or in Rachel Berry's case addicted to the spotlight.

As for Puck, he had a new addiction, an addiction to bleed. Underneath the long-sleeve t-shirts he now always wore, his arms were littered with lacerations. Some cuts were small and shallow, others were long and deep but all held the promise of a scar.

For a week, he'd only made one small incision a day on his left arm. By the second week, his cutting sessions had progressed to multiple cuts. It was during the third week when he offered his right arm the same treatment.

Every time he made a fresh cut, he would watch with morbid fascination as the blood journeyed down his arm. Soon enough, all he could think about was adding another mark to his tanned skin.

He'd even skip lessons and lunch breaks so he could hide away in a toilet stall and mutilate himself. He had even skipped Glee club the day they were supposed to perform songs of apology or forgiveness. Puck had intended to go, to sing his song to Finn, apologise and hope the other could grant him his forgiveness. But on the way to the choir room, he had seen Finn holding hands with Rachel and his desire to sing faded in place of the need to bleed.

After experiencing the initial but brief burning sting sensation the blade provided, Puck basked in the unexplainable momentary relief he felt. Of course, when the feeling passed, the overpowering emotion of guilt soon took its place. It happened every single time. He'd feel good as he made the cut, then when it was over he felt guilty and weak. He always promised himself that it would be the last time, but the last time was always followed by another.

The chance to sing a song of apology to Finn had passed him by. It was another lost opportunity to make things right with his former friend. During the next Glee rehearsal, Mr. Schue had cast him a look of disappointment while the others either shot him looks of disgust or just plain ignored him.

It was a month later when he and Finn were forced to work together on a Glee assignment. Mr. Schue's chosen theme was that of friendship. As soon as Puck heard what the task was going to be, he wanted to leave the room. But he stayed where he was and waited for his name to be pulled out of that dreaded Hat of Fate. He knew even before Finn walked up to the piano that the Frankenteen would withdraw his name from the hat.

He was prepared to hear his name fall from Finn's lips, prepared for Finn to groan in protest and ask to change partners, prepared to receive such a look of revulsion. But what Puck wasn't prepared for was how deeply it would hurt when Finn looked at him so coldly and spoke such harsh words.

After everyone else had selected their partners, they all moved to different spaces in the room so they could begin work right away. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Puck trudged over to where Finn was sitting with a very sour expression upon his face.

"Any idea what song you wanna sing, bro?" Puck asked sitting down beside him and trying to act cool even as his heart was hammering intensely against his chest.

"I'm not your bro." Finn retorted grumpily. "And I don't wanna sing anything with you."

"We don't have a choice." Puck pointed out. "Look, I'm…" He wanted to make a heartfelt apology there and then. He should have done in fact. But as usual, his stupid mouth rebelled against the commands of his brain and forced him to say something stupid instead. "I'm no happier about this pairing than you are but I'm not acting like a pussy over it. Let's just pick a song and get it over and done with."

"I'll text you a song choice later." Finn told him with a glare. "We can just wing it when we perform next week."

With that, Finn grabbed his stuff and stormed out the door in a fashion that would make even Rachel proud. Rolling his eyes, Puck swung his rucksack onto his back and followed after Finn.

"Hey, Hudson!" He called down the corridor. "Could you stop being such a girl for like five seconds?"

"Go to hell." Finn replied over his shoulder.

"Fine, just walk away." Puck said. "Maybe I'll go see if Rachel wants to know how it feels to be with a real man."

That comment rooted Finn to the spot and his shoulders tensed up before he dropped his bag then lashed his body round and stalked angrily towards Puck. Seizing him roughly by the shoulders, Finn slammed Puck against the nearby lockers. After letting out a small wince, Puck shoved Finn in the chest.

The taller teen stumbled slightly before smashing his fist into the side of Puck's face then pinning his wrists against the lockers either side of his head. This time, Puck sucked in a breath as pain shot up his arms from the pressure Finn was unknowingly applying to some of his more recent cuts that were hidden beneath the sleeves of his light grey hoodie.

"Now you're acting like a man." Puck smirked even as he felt a prickle of fear and… something else he wasn't willing to name shoot up his spine. "Well, don't stop now, Hudson. Hit me."

That aggressive sneer that looked so out of character on Finn's face slowly fell away. His eyes lost that enraged fire and sizzled down to merely a flickering but unthreatening ember. His mouth formed into a thin line and his grip on Puck's arms loosened before he took a fraction of a step back.

"You're not worth it." Finn told him simply before stepping away completely and walking off.

With a rapidly growing ache in his chest, Puck watched Finn leave, those four words echoing relentlessly in his ears. For a long while, he simply stayed where he was leaning against the lockers, his neck twisted so that he was looking in the direction that Finn had left by. He only moved again when he heard the rest of the Glee club making their way out of the choir room.

Ignoring the quizzical looks he received from Tina, Kurt and Mr. Schue, Puck headed out to his truck. He didn't drive straight home. He simply sat in his vehicle and watched as everyone else drove off until his was the only car in the parking lot.

He massaged his temples as if to tempt away Finn's parting words that were still replaying themselves in his brain. When it didn't work, he reached into his bag and pulled out the pocketknife. Rolling the sleeve of his left arm back, he poised the tool over his flesh before getting to work. Once he was done, he placed the pocketknife away and took time to admire his craftsmanship. Into his skin, he had carved the name 'FINN'.

It was fitting in a way, that he would use the pocketknife, his new best friend, to carve the name of his old one.

I've been cutting again,  
My new sharp metal friend,  
A scratch here and there,  
Blood running everywhere,  
A small sense of relief,  
Before the return of grief,  
The tears threaten to fall,  
I feel weak and small,  
I am hurting myself,  
And I desperately need help,  
So much going through my head,  
Inside I feel dead,  
I put the blade to my arm,  
Causing myself harm,  
The burning pain I feel,  
Reminds me I am real,  
But the problem still remains,  
And I still feel the strain,  
So I cut myself again,  
With my sharp metal friend.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review and spread the Fuck love :D**

**Love and Hugs IQR xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer-I do not own**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone : D**

**Lyrics and text messages are in **_italics_

**I'm not even going to name the song, you ought to know what it is, and if you don't, shame on you**

**Chapter 4**

He didn't want to go home. He didn't feel welcome there, he didn't feel safe. That wasn't how a house was supposed to feel. A home offered warmth, comfort and security. Without that, then it was nothing but a bunch of bricks.

Of course, he couldn't go to a friend's house for he didn't have any of those left. The idea of heading over to Mr. Schue's place entered his mind briefly but he quickly shook it away. Not only was hanging out with a teacher completely lame but it would be highly inappropriate. Besides, he wouldn't feel welcome there. Teacher or not, Schue had favourites and that favourite was undoubtedly Finn. It might be ok for Finn to run to Mr. Schue with his problems but it certainly wasn't for Puck. While the Spanish teacher and Vocal Coach was something of a father-figure to Finn, he was just a teacher to Puck and their relationship didn't go beyond that.

Even the idea of seeking out Miss Pillsbury entered Puck's head but he had no idea where the Guidance Counsellor lived.

So Puck drove to the outskirts of Lima and pulled up outside a small house. Behind that red door was his last resort. Making sure his sleeves were pulled down, he moved out of his truck and trudged up the garden path, the gravel crunching beneath his worn sneakers.

Standing on the doorstep, he hesitated, wondering if this was the worst idea he'd made since sleeping with Quinn. Deciding that he had nothing more to lose he run a hand through his mohawk before knocking on the door.

He waited patiently and after hearing some odd noises within the house, possibly something being knocked over, the door was pulled open to reveal a clearly drunk April Rhodes.

"Hey there handsome." April greeted reaching a hand out to feel up his biceps. "You been working out?"

"Can I come in?" Puck asked gently moving her tiny hand off of his arm.

"Only if you promise to misbehave." April giggled before hooking a dainty finger into the waistband of his jeans and pulling him inside.

She led him through to the living room where there was very little furniture but a large number of alcohol bottles. Draping herself onto one of the two dumpy old armchairs, April reached for the nearest bottle and brought it to her heavily glossed lips and chugging most of the contents down.

"Don't be shy, sweetie. Make yourself at home." April told him.

Dropping into the empty armchair, Puck looked around at the peeling wallpaper and the wine-stained carpet. There was a small T.V on the floor in the corner of the room and a spindly table in the middle that was home to a C.D player, a collection of C.D's scattered all around it on the floor.

"What do you say, muscles?" April asked flirtatiously as she hitched her dress up revealing the top of her thigh. "How about we put on some top tunes and then make some sweet music of our own?"

"I didn't come here for sex, babe." Puck told her bluntly.

"Pity." April shrugged. "I could have used a good screwing from a fine young thing like you. So… what are you doing here? Because if I'm honest, other than sex, drinking and the singing this old gal isn't really good for anything."

"I just… I didn't wanna go home." Puck admitted and the woman's eyes softened and she sat up properly and placed her bottle carefully on the floor by her feet. "Life sorta sucks right now." He elaborated.

"Sucky lifestyles." April sighed with a tut as she shook her head. "Now that's a song I know all too well. Hell, I wrote the life sucks song. So what is it, more teenage pregnancies? If it is I won't be much help with that."

"No… just, life sucks." Puck replied.

"Wanna talk about it baby?" April asked as she moved to perch on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. "I'm a good listener and I'm the soul of discretion. I'd probably be one of those priest guys who listen to people confess if I wasn't a sex-mad atheist."

"Thanks but, I don't wanna talk." Puck replied. "Talking's for pussies. I just… needed a place to hang, to get away from it all."

"You want my advice?" April asked as she looped her arm over his neck and ruffled his strip of hair with her free arm. "Talk about it. It doesn't have to be to me, let's face it, I'll be hung-over in the morning with no memory of you even being here, but you should talk to somebody. How about Will? He's a great man with one cute as hell butt. Besides, he really cares about you Glee kids."

"No-one cares about me babe, trust me." Puck responded.

She clucked her tongue in sympathy before resting her head on top of his and lightly running one hand up and down his torso.

"Wanna see my boobs?" She asked with a smile. "That might cheer you up."

He grinned but politely declined her offer.

"Poor little guy." April cooed as she pinched his cheek lightly. "So the worlds done your wrong huh? Well, you know what you gotta do right?"

"What's that?" Puck asked lifting an eyebrow.

"Sing about it of course." April replied as she leaped to her feet and fiddled with the C.D player.

With a wide and almost childish grin on her face, April tossed him an empty bottle to use as a pretend microphone and grabbed hold of her hairbrush for herself.

The music sounded throughout the room and Puck couldn't help but smile as he recognised the tune from Walt Disney's The Lion King.

"_Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase._" April part-sung and part-spoke.

"_Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze._" Puck continued before they joined their voices together.

"_It means no worries for the rest of your days_

_It's out problem free philosophy_

_Hakuna Matata!_"

The two of them laughed together as they sang through the song before collapsing back onto the armchair, April sitting on Puck's lap.

"Feeling better?" She asked.

"Totally." Puck replied. "Thanks babe." He pressed a kiss to her cheek in gratitude.

"Hey, anytime." April told him. "Now how bout a drink? It's the best way to drown your sorrows."

He ended up staying and sharing a bottle of alcohol with her as well as the pizza April ordered. They then sat cross-legged on the floor and April told him stories of her time at McKinley High when she had been the unofficial Queen of Lima.

"Those were the good old days." April sighed wistfully before they cuddled up together in front of the tiny T.V and watched some old movie.

As the time was coming up to eleven, Puck decided he really ought to head home.

"I hate going back but my mum will worry." Puck said.

April let out a soft 'hmm' in response. Turning to look at her, Puck found that she had drifted off to sleep. Lightly plucking the now empty wine bottle from her grasp, Puck carefully lifted her petite frame into his strong arms and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. He lay her down on the mattress and tucked the covers around her before brushing away the strands of gold curls that had fallen across her face.

He then left and began the drive back home. On the journey, he contemplated whether or not he should make it a regular thing visiting April. The woman was obviously lonely so Puck was sure she'd appreciate the company. It was certainly better than being at home with Simon.

Arriving at his house, he parked his truck in the drive. He pulled his sleeve up and looked down at the newly engraved word on his arm.

"Finn." He whispered as he read aloud what he'd etched into his skin.

Covering his arm back up, he exited the truck and quietly let himself inside the house. Creeping through to the living-room, he found his mother dozing on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around her, obviously waiting for him to return. Crouching down at her side, he gently prodded her awake.

"Noah." Sally breathed out in relief as she pulled him into a hug. "I was worried."

"Sorry." Puck replied sheepishly.

"Where were you?" Sally asked him. "I called Carole to ask if you were with Finn, I called Judy to see if Quinn knew where you are and I went down the street to ask the Lopez' if Santana had heard anything."

"Sorry mum." Puck repeated. "I was just at a friend's. I'll make sure I call next time."

"That's my boy." Sally smiled kissing him on the cheek before gathering the blanket and heading upstairs to the room she shared with Simon.

Puck followed behind her, sending a glare to the bedroom door that Simon was behind. He considered pushing past his mum and suffocating the man in his sleep but he decided being thrown in jail wasn't worth it.

After saying goodnight, Puck washed up in the bathroom before stepping into his bedroom only to find his little sister sprawled on his bed hugging a teddy bear to her chest and wearing one of his football shirts as a nightgown.

Not having the heart to wake her, Puck turned back out of the room and crossed the hall to her bedroom. He wrinkled his nose at all the pink before crawling in to the too small bed without even changing and struggling to find a comfortable position.

Slipping his cell phone out of his jeans pocket, he found he had a few text messages. He set his alarm on his phone first before reading through them.

One message from Santana simply read: _call ur mum_.

The second message came from Quinn and said: _if you're doing the dirty deed with some poor girl at least be sensible enough to use protection, and call your mother, she's worried about you_.

Rolling his eyes, Puck deleted both messages before opening the last unread text, this one from Finn which read: _dude, u ok?_

He stared down at those three words for a long time trying to work out what the other boy meant by them. Did he merely send the text after being persuaded to by Carole? Or did he send them of his own accord? If so, was it because dating Rachel had encouraged his nosier side to the surface, or did he genuinely care?

Multiple times, Puck typed out a response to Finn but he deleted every single message before placing his phone on his sister's bedside table and pulling the quilt cover over his head hoping to find sleep.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee or any lyrics, but I own my self-written poetry**

**Thanks for reviewing people : D**

**Lyrics are in **_italics _**song is: 'Never Talking to You Again' by Husker Du**

**Chapter 5**

Entering his first period English class, Puck felt three pairs of eyes upon him. Keeping his head down to avoid eye-contact with them, he strode to the back of the classroom and dropped into his seat. As he pulled his things out his bag, he could sense that they still had their gaze on him.

Straightening up in his seat, he stared unblinkingly at Santana until she got bored and turned away from him with a roll of her eyes. He then turned his gaze to Quinn, quirking an eyebrow and offering a wink as he made a blatant show of touching himself beneath the table. She frowned in disgust before returning her attention to the front of the room. Finally, Puck forced himself to meet Finn's eye. The taller teen's face was a picture of confusion with a touch of question flitting through his eyes. Making sure to keep his own expression a mask of indifference, Puck stared Finn out until he finally turned away.

However, throughout the lesson, Finn would frequently twist his neck back round to peer at him. As much as Puck tried, he couldn't ignore the looks his former-friend kept shooting him. Every time he felt those eyes lingering on him, the section of his arm that had Finn's name carved into it tingled somewhat.

The lesson seemed to drag by at a snail pace but eventually the bell rang out, the chimes sounding blissfully beautiful to Puck's ear for once. As he shoved his things back into his bag, he looked up to see that Quinn and Santana were already exiting the classroom. Finn however was taking his time packing away, possibly waiting for him.

His first instinct was to dart out of the room as fast as possible, but instead Puck slowed down too and waited until the room was empty. Slinging his bag onto his shoulder, he cautiously made his way through the aisles of tables before pausing by Finn's desk.

Not saying anything, Finn gave Puck a look that clearly said 'follow me' before leading the way out of the room. Puck followed a few steps behind the taller boy until they reached the quiet familiarity of the choir room.

Dropping his bag to the floor, Finn slouched over to the drum kit and sat upon the stool, twirling the drum sticks between his fingers but not playing. Placing his own bag on one of the chairs, Puck moved to pick up his beloved guitar and drape it across himself, fingers lightly brushing the strings but not actually strumming.

Gripping the neck of his guitar, as if hoping for some guidance or comfort, Puck tried to work up the nerve to speak since Finn didn't seem to be on the verge of saying anything. He knew he should seize this opportunity to make things right with Finn, or at least try to. Their friendship had been badly damaged, perhaps beyond repair, but that didn't mean Puck should give up. He had never considered himself a quitter; he should fight to win Finn's forgiveness. Or at the very least, he should shelve his pride and ask Finn, ask anyone, for help.

He couldn't go on the way he was. His 'problem' was getting out of hand. At first, Puck had believed himself to be in control of the situation but deep down he knew he wasn't. Even as he sat in the choir room with Finn at that moment, his skin yearned to feel that pocketknife slicing into him and releasing the blood within.

Before this unhealthy addiction had started, Puck thought the idea of somebody deliberately causing themselves such harm was ridiculously stupid. He also thought it was attention-seeking but he had been mistaken. For him, it was a coping mechanism, not a smart one to be true but that's what it was. It certainly wasn't his way of trying to gain people's attention. If attention was what he was after then he'd strut down the school halls with his bare arms on display so everybody could see. But he didn't do that, in fact he made damn sure that his arms were covered at all times. He hid it from everyone, not wanting them to see.

He had also been under the assumption that the types of people to mutilate their own skin were people like Tina. Goths and emo's, but certainly not badass jocks like himself. Yet under the material of his hoodie his arms were littered with cuts, old and fresh. But if you looked at Tina's arms, the only scar you would find would be the one on her left elbow that came from falling off a swing as a child.

Unable to think of anything to say to the boy across the room, Puck struck up a tune on his guitar. Music soothed him, music helped. If he couldn't find the right words to say to Finn, perhaps he could sing them. He racked his brains trying to think of what he needed to say the most. Should he use song to apologise? Should he sing of how much the other boy's friendship truly meant to him? Should he sing of how dearly he missed him? Or should he make a plea for the help he so desperately needed?

He couldn't come to a decision, so he continued to dance his fingers across the strings creating a melody of his own, hoping the music alone would be enough to express what he wanted. At some point, Finn started up on the drums. The beat was angry at first, almost unbearably so, but it diminished till the beat simply sounded lethargic.

Finn was the first to cease playing and Puck stopped shortly after him, hugging his instrument to his chest in a way that he really wanted to hug Finn but was too afraid to.

"Where were you last night?" Finn finally asked.

"With April Rhodes." Puck answered honestly earning himself a surprised expression from Finn.

"So you're back to sleeping with older women then." Finn commented.

"It wasn't like that." Puck told him. "I just hung out with her, she's kinda cool."

"Your mum was worried about you." Finn pointed out.

"Were you?" Puck dared to ask, instantly wishing he could take those words back.

"I just figured you were doing something stupid." Finn shrugged.

Another silence fell between them and Puck dragged his hand through his mohawk not knowing how to relieve the awkward atmosphere.

"We still need to pick a song to perform next week." Puck said when he couldn't think of anything else.

"I found a song." Finn replied digging in his bag, probably for sheet music or lyrics. "I think it sums up just how I feel about the breakdown of our friendship."

He handed the lyrics and music sheets to Puck before heading out the room.

Left alone with just his guitar for company, Puck felt a pang in his heart as he read through the song Finn had selected. Just reading it was painful for him. He certainly didn't want to sing it next week but he knew he had no choice. Stuffing the paper into his bag, he too left the choir room and meandered down the halls before joining a lesson that probably wasn't even his.

By the time the following week came about, Puck found the wounds on his arms to be uncomfortably itchy. He tried to refrain from scratching them as that only made it worse and reopened old cuts, but he couldn't help himself. People probably suspected he had fleas or something. A lot of his scabbed cuts had turned an unhealthy black colour and they were the ones causing him the most irritation.

Still, he kept on putting that pocketknife to his flesh just to feel the temporary sensation of relief that spilling his own blood provided.

Since their alone time in the choir room, Puck and Finn had not spoken. In fact, Puck hadn't really spoken to anyone at school. He couldn't have said more than ten words to his mother the past week and he'd said even less to his little sister. The only person he'd conversed with had been April Rhodes. Every day after school and pretty much all weekend he had driven to her house. She always welcomed him with open arms and Puck wondered if the woman needed his company as much as he needed hers.

Entering the choir room for Glee club, Puck took a seat in the back row, the others sitting in small groups and seeming so far away from him. He watched the others perform, feeling envious of the friendships all the others shared. Inevitably, it was time for himself and Finn to perform.

Their song choice was different from everybody else's. The others had all selected happy friendship songs that were all sunshine and rainbows. In contrast, their song was about an ended friendship and it seemed much more cloudy skies and thunderstorms.

Puck didn't want to sing this song, he really didn't but he obediently moved to the performance area with his guitar in hand. He started strumming the tune, keeping his eyes on his instrument rather than his duet partner or the audience. Unlike the others, they hadn't rehearsed their song together; Puck hadn't rehearsed at all so he didn't really know what he was doing.

Finn seemed to know what he was doing though and he started singing the song, Puck listening, probably more intently than anybody else in the room.

"_There are things I'd like to say_

_But I'm never talking to you again_

_There's things I'd like to phrase some way_

_But I'm never talking to you again…_" After Finn sang the first verse, Puck could feel the boy's eyes on him and guessed that meant he was supposed to join in for the chorus.

"_I'm never talking to you again_

_I'm never talking to you_

_I'm tired of wasting all my time_

_Trying to talk to you…_" They sand together, Puck's voice cracking with misery on the last word.

The next verse was probably supposed to be for him to sing but Puck couldn't bring himself to get any words out. His fingers continued to work their way over his guitar but his throat had closed up leaving Finn to sing the rest of the song alone.

"_I'd put you down where you belong_

_But I'm never talking to you again_

_I'd show you everywhere you're wrong_

_But I'm never talking to you again_

_I'm never talking to you again_

_I'm never talking to you_

_I'm tired of wasting all my time_

_Trying to talk to you_

_Talking to you_

_I'm never talking to you again_

_I'm never talking to you_

_I'm tired of wasting all my time_

_Trying to talk to you._" Finn finished the song and Puck stopped playing his guitar.

They received some scattered applause and it became obvious to Puck that the feeling of awkwardness was choking everybody sitting in the room. However, he was willing to bet his very life that it was choking him harder than anyone. Without waiting for Mr. Schue's feedback, Puck grabbed his stuff and stormed out the room, not quite as dramatic as Rachel would have done, but he was sure his departure left an impact of some kind.

As usual, he drove to April's house and as soon as she invited him over the threshold he was sobbing in her arms. Closing the door, she held him close before directing him through to the living-room. He curled up with her on one of the armchairs and allowed her to gently pet his hair as if he was a small child.

"Just let it out, sweetie." April encouraged him.

His entire body wracked with sobs for a good fifteen minutes before he was able to compose himself. He dried his eyes on the back of his sleeve before looking at her feeling horrible embarrassed.

"You want some ice-cream?" She asked him and he nodded with a weak smile.

Moving off of the armchair, April made her way to the kitchen. A few minutes later she returned with two bowls of ice-cream, vanilla, chocolate and strawberry all together. Thanking her, Puck accepted his bowl and dug his spoon into the cold comfort food. April added a Satsuma to her bowl as well as pouring half a bottle of whiskey over it. She offered him the rest of the whiskey but he politely declined. Shrugging, April drank the remainder of the amber liquid before digging in to her alcohol-covered ice-cream.

Soon after finishing, April fell asleep or possibly just passed out. Either way, Puck took it upon himself to carry her up to her bed. After tucking her in, he crossed to the bathroom and took a quick shower before drying himself then pulling his clothes back on.

The thing he enjoyed most about being at April's was that he never felt the need to cut.

Heading back downstairs, he sat in silence for a while before picking up April's phone. Needing to hear Finn's voice, he dialled the boy's number and held the phone to his ear, waiting.

"Hello?" Finn's voice asked down the other end.

Closing his eyes, Puck allowed the baritone's voice to wash over him.

"Hello?" Finn asked again upon receiving no reply. "Anywhere there?"

Then he released an aggravated sigh before hanging up. Puck placed the phone back down and returned to his position of sitting in silence. It had been so good to hear Finn's voice. If only he had the courage to just tell the other teen how much he missed him. If only he could shelve his pride and apologise to him and seek out his help. If only he'd never slept with Quinn.

Later on the drive home, Puck thought about all the times Finn had been there for him in the past. He'd lost that now, destroyed it with his own foolishness. Everytime he'd needed somebody to lean on, Finn had been there without hesitation. He didn't even have to ask, Finn was just there and Puck had taken that for granted. If he could only have Finn's friendship now he'd appreciate it forever more. But he didn't have it now, he didn't deserve it, probably never had. And now that he needed Finn, his boy, more than ever, Finn would not come.

For so many years,

You've been the hand I held on to,

Our fingers interlocked,

I'm strong when I'm with you.

When in times of trouble,

You placed your hand in mine,

Told me I should smile,

So all would turn out fine.

If ever I was falling,

You'd be there to lend a hand,

And whisper all the words,

To give me strength to stand.

But when I reach for you now,

You snatch your hand away,

And when I seek your comfort,

You've not a word to say.

Now when I'm all alone,

Your hand is nowhere to be found,

And unable to smile,

I fall straight to the ground.

Just when I need you most,

You pull your hand from me,

So I just sink below the surface,

And drown in my misery.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone**

**Hope you enjoy the new chapter**

**Chapter 6**

It wasn't often that Puck was freaked out by his dreams, but on a chilly February night, he woke up covered in sweat and panting for breath. The last time he'd been so distraught over a dream had been in the later months of Quinn's pregnancy. He'd suffered with nightmares of Quinn losing Beth, or Quinn herself not surviving the birth.

The dream that awoke him on this night was vastly different but equally distressing. As he replayed the dream's events in his mind, confusion and fear bit at his brain. Slowly, Puck snaked a hand below his bed sheets and lightly gripped his shaft that was standing proud, lust and arousal still burning through his veins.

Releasing a shaky breath, Puck tightened his hold on himself then rubbed his thumb over the slit of his cock. He let his eyelids flutter shut as he pumped himself up and down, only one face crossing his mind as he jerked himself off.

"Finn." Puck moaned as his mind conjured images of a naked Finn prowling towards him and kissing him deeply.

Just like in his dream, Puck imagined Finn crawling on top of him, trailing kisses all over his body and grinding their hard dicks together. He whimpered as pleasure sizzled through him, feeling guilty for thinking such thoughts. It seemed so deliciously wrong but it felt so right.

The word 'gay' briefly entered Puck's mind but he forced it away and concentrated on the feel of his hand around his erection instead. Thoughts of Finn kissing him and touching him continued to race through his mind until he couldn't take it anymore and he reached his climax.

As soon as he came down from his lust-filled state, the feeling of guilt intensified along with a sense of nausea. Fear and confusion also returned to him, heavier than before. He liked girls, loved them in fact, everybody in Lima knew that. So why was he thinking of Finn in such a way?

"I'm not a fag." Puck told himself quietly as he looked around his dark room.

Eventually, he fell back into a dreamless sleep, convincing himself that he was as straight as ever, and the Finn situation was just demonstrative of how he missed his old friend.

However, seeing Finn at school the next day sent his mind reeling. Suddenly, he found himself noticing things he'd never given full attention or appreciation to before. For the first time, he noticed how soft Finn's lips looked and he wanted to taste them. He realised how long Finn's eyelashes really were, how perfect his skin looked, how his hair begged to be ruffled.

A sexuality crisis was not something Puck ever expected to experience. Of course, not so long ago he'd never have thought he'd resort to self-harm.

That day, he was much more aware of Finn's presence than he had ever been. The tall boy seemed to turn up everywhere; there was no escape from his eyes, his smile, his smell.

Sitting in class, he found himself sneaking looks at Finn's ass whenever he stood up. His cock twitched at the sight and Puck had to think of his grandma in lingerie in order to rid himself of his arousal. He turned his attention to the only openly gay boy at McKinley High. Kurt was sitting beside Mercedes, completely content with who and what he was. Looking him over, Puck tried to work out if he was attracted to him too. After several minutes contemplation he decided there was no real attraction there. He begrudgingly admitted to himself that Kurt was kind of pretty, but thoughts of being naked with him had no affect on his penis.

Discreetly, Puck peered round at some of the other guys in the classroom. He shuddered as his eyes landed on Karofsky; there was no way he'd ever be into a guy like that. Mike Chang definitely had an appeal, the dancer was certainly easy on the eyes but thinking about him in sexual situations didn't make his heart race or his groin harden like thinking of Finn did.

By the end of the lesson, Puck concluded that he couldn't be gay like Kurt was. Although he could appreciate that Kurt was a pretty boy and Mike was a good-looking dude, he didn't want to jump in bed with them. He didn't have a guy-thing; he had a Finn-thing. It was only one boy he liked so he couldn't be a full-blown homo.

Following a little way behind Finn and Rachel as they made their way through the corridor, Puck tried to fathom out precisely what it was he was feeling for Finn. He was slowly accepting that he had an attraction for him but he wasn't yet certain if it meant anything more serious. It could just be a small phase, or maybe this confusion really was just a sign of how he was missing his friend. Or maybe it was something deeper, something more exciting and more terrifying. Perhaps it was something that had always been there but never given acknowledgement.

As Finn walked hand-in-hand with Rachel, Puck envisioned himself holding the tall teen's hand. He let out a slight chuckle at the thought. The vision just seemed overly corny.

Later on in gym class, Finn tackled him on the field ending up on top of him. Memories of his dream from the night before and his masturbating session returned to him. Luckily, Finn was oblivious to how Puck became turned-on from being pinned beneath Finn's weight.

In the showers, as Puck washed away the dirt, he wondered if it was only a physical thing he felt for Finn. Maybe he was just curious about what sex would be like with another dude. Perhaps if he and Finn fucked all these confusing feelings would leave his head. That usually worked whenever he became fixated on girls. As soon as he'd slept with Quinn he lost all interest in her. Maybe that could happen with Finn too.

He shook his head as he washed the soap from his body. After everything that had happened between them, Finn wouldn't want to go near him even if he did feel a sexual attraction to him as well. Even so, Puck could never bring himself to fuck Finn and then leave like he did with everyone else. He could never do that, not to Finn.

Did that mean he wanted a relationship with Finn? Did he want to be his boyfriend? He sniggered at the thought; the mere idea seemed utterly ridiculous. Perhaps he was reading too much in to everything. Maybe he just wanted Finn to be his friend again. Who was he kidding? Of course he wanted Finn to be his friend again; he wanted that more than anything.

The school day ended and Puck refused to attend detention and headed out to the parking lot instead. He spotted Finn preparing to get into his car and jogged over, clapping Finn on the back.

"Hey man." He greeted earning himself a confused look from Finn.

"You want something?" Finn asked looking very much like he wanted to get away as fast as possible.

"I thought maybe we could hang out." Puck shrugged as he shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step closer to Finn. "Go eat pizza or catch a movie or something." He shot Finn his most charming grin before mentally slapping himself.

It was like he was asking Finn out on a date, hitting on him. That would only freak Finn out or make him hate him more. To his horror, Puck then proceeded to look Finn up and down, a blatant sign that he was checking him out and Finn couldn't fail to notice the flirtation.

"What the hell?" Finn asked staring at Puck as if he had come to school wearing a dress.

"Come on, dude." Puck replied casually inwardly cursing as his arm acted of its own accord and he lightly stroked Finn's arm with the back of his knuckles. "We haven't hung out in forever. It'll be fun, just you and me." He was even foolish enough to wink.

"Are you drunk or something?" Finn questioned.

Thankfully, Puck was able to bite down on his tongue before he could respond with something stupid like 'drunk on love'. Instead he stepped even nearer to Finn only to have him take a step back.

"I don't know what's going on in your head," Finn told him. "But I don't want anything to do with it."

"Finn," Puck sighed as the taller boy ducked down into the driver seat of his car. "I just want my best friend back. I miss you, bro."

"Then you shouldn't have screwed my girlfriend." Finn responded coldly before driving off.

"Fuck." Puck swore as he watched Finn drive off.

Feeling hurt and rejected, Puck stomped over to his truck and slammed the car door with more force than necessary. He'd tried to repair the damage to his and Finn's friendship but had practically thrown himself at him instead. All he succeeded in doing was making a complete fool of himself. He may as well have sported a sign saying 'I'm hot for Hudson'. Now Finn may have his tremendously dumb moments, but surely he had realised Puck was trying to flirt with him. What would Finn think? Would he tell the others about Puck's behaviour? Would people suddenly start whispering about him and calling him gay?

"I'm not gay." Puck insisted to himself before starting up the engine and driving the familiar route to April's house.

Parking up, he sent a quick text to his mum telling her he was with a friend so she wouldn't worry before stepping out. Burying his hands in the warmth of his letterman jacket, he strolled up the garden path and rapped his knuckles on the door. A minute or two passed with no answer. He knocked again, louder this time wondering if the woman was showering or something.

"April!" He called through the letterbox.

Still receiving no response, he barged the door with his shoulder only to fall smack on the floor as the door was unlocked. Scrambling to his feet, he rubbed his arm where it had hit the floor and moved to the living-room in search of April. He immediately noticed that her C.D player and music collection were not on the spindly little table. There was however a note with his name written on the top in red lipstick.

He swallowed before edging nearer the table, the red lipstick making him think of blood. Picking the scrap of paper up, he unfolded it and found the note inside was written in pen.

_Hey Handsome,_

_This old gal isn't going to be here for you anymore. An old flame of mine turned up out of the blue and he's taking me away from here. We're heading for the Broadway baby. Sorry I couldn't hang around; I ain't too good with goodbyes. Now I've been around a little longer than you, seen more, done more, and that makes me a touch wiser. You're a troubled soul, but you've got a good heart under those delicious muscles. Just have the courage to ask for help, don't try and deal with this mess all on your own._

_Keep singing, Sweetie_

_Love April xxx_

He stuffed the note into his jeans pocket and looked around the empty house. He thought about staying there, just to spare himself from going home, but the place wasn't the same without April. Turning on his feet, he left the room then headed out of the house back to his truck.

On the drive back to the place he reluctantly called home, he realised that he'd lost another best friend. With April gone, Puck felt as though he didn't have a single friend in the world. Who would be there for him now? Who was he supposed to cry with, laugh with and sing with?

Before he reached his street, he pulled his truck over then dug through his bag until his fingers curled around the pocketknife. He shrugged off his letterman jacket then rolled back the long-sleeve of his shirt. Flipping the blade open, he slashed a fresh cut onto his skin then watched the scarlet stream down his arm.

With experienced hands,

He'll take that blade,

Creating fresh patterns,

To the old ones he made.

Skin like toffee,

Stained with red,

He won't speak his pain,

He'll carve it instead.

A ruby red river,

Dances down his wrist,

A copper tanned arm,

With a blood-stained kiss.

Ruby red rivers,

And coffee colour skin,

He lets his blood flow,

But there's nothing within.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer-Why yes, I do own Glee… joking, of course I don't**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone**

**Chapter 7**

It happened again. Arguing, shouting, yelling, take any word or ones similar, they all meant the same thing. Simon was spitting insults at the cowering form of his mother when Puck entered the house. His sister, Amy, was tugging on the man's leg in a pitiful attempt to keep him away from her mother. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, Simon shoved her away and ordered her to go to her room.

Letting out a soft whimper, Amy held her hands to her head before scrambling to her feet and running past Puck and up the stairs. Enraged that the Math teacher had treated his baby sister so roughly, Puck stormed towards him, pushing him hard in the chest.

"Noah, don't get involved." Sally warned but Puck ignored his mother as he continued to glare hatefully at the man before him.

"Do I need to beat some respect into you, boy?" Simon asked with a snarl as he seized hold of Puck's shirt, pulling them face-to-face.

Standing up to Simon wasn't like getting into a scrap with someone at school. The bully that Puck had once been, and sometimes still was, he could easily scare dweebs and nerds into wetting their pants with just the right angry expression and carefully selected vicious words. Being the badass that he was labelled as, Puck could hold his own against the likes of Karofsky and Azimio both. But in his own home, facing Simon, a full grown man, Puck wasn't the most feared student to walk through the halls of McKinley High. Here, he was just a scared teenage boy trying to defend his mother and sister.

"Just do it." Puck dared knowing full well that he couldn't take Simon in a fight. "We all know what's coming next. Just do it."

The blows came, five heavy punches to his stomach chest and ribs finished off with a hard kick to his lower back. Clenching his teeth in pain, Puck slowly picked his battered form up off the floor. As he stood to his feet again, Simon spat at him, the saliva hitting the side of his face and falling down his cheek. He shuddered in revulsion and angrily wiped it away on the sleeve of his jacket.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see in his mum's eyes that she was begging him to carry on upstairs. Instead, Puck spat back at Simon, hitting him in the left eye with his spit before punching the man in the throat, causing him to immediately double over and vomit.

His mum then took the opportunity to rush towards him and pull him upstairs. The two of them darted into Puck's room together and found Amy curled up on his bed obviously waiting for them. Hearing Simon's furious shrieks getting louder as he thundered up the stairs, Puck locked his bedroom door and took hold of his baseball bat from under his bed. As his mum and sister cuddled up to each other, Puck stood a few feet from the door with the bat in hand preparing to fight and defend if Simon chose to break the door down.

It seemed that luck was on their side that night, for after several heavy bangs to the door and a few threats and insults, the sound of Simon heading back downstairs was heard. Breathing a sigh of relief, Puck joined his mum and Amy on the bed but made sure to keep the baseball bat within reach just in case.

A few hours later, the sound of footsteps signalled Simon's return upstairs. Puck tensed and tightened his grip on the baseball bat as the man knocked lightly on the door.

"Sally?" He called through the wood. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You know I don't mean to get so mad. Open up."

Both Amy and Puck looked to their mother shaking their heads frantically but Sally was already unlocking the door.

Moving protectively in front of Amy, Puck waited with bated breath to see what would happen next. The door opened fully and Simon stood there with a look of apology on his face as he held his arms open wide. He watched on as his mother fell into his arms and they kissed, muttering words of love. Over Sally's shoulder, Simon smirked at Puck before leading his mother away.

Angrily, Puck dropped the bat to the floor then slammed his bedroom door shut. He hissed a few choice swearwords before looking back at Amy. She looked so small as she sat on his bed with her knees drawn up to her chest. Although she wasn't crying, she looked as though she could burst in to tears at any given moment.

Dropping onto the bed beside her, Puck ruffled her hair lightly earning the weakest of smiles from her lips. He wanted to tell her that everything would be ok, that he'd take care of it, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. If he didn't believe in a happy ending himself, how could he hope to convince his sister they would get one?

"I want our real daddy back." Amy whispered as though she was sharing a dangerous secret that could get them into serious trouble if the adults overheard.

"So do I." Puck admitted. "But he isn't coming back, so we have to look out for each other ok?"

"Ok." Amy nodded moving into him for a hug.

He froze at the contact for a moment before returning the embrace. It had really been too long since he had hugged her and shown the love and affection any little girl deserved.

That night, Puck couldn't find sleep. No matter how much he moved around trying to get comfortable he just couldn't succumb to the land of nod. Releasing a sigh of frustration, Puck clicked his bedside lamp on then searched the floor for his dirty clothes. Finding them, he searched through the pockets of his jeans and his letterman jacket until he found the crumpled up note that April had left him. He read it over again, focusing on the line that told him to be courageous enough to ask for help. She advised him not to deal with everything on his own, and Puck knew that she was right. He couldn't cope with the life he was living. He no longer knew what to do so it was high time he asked somebody to help. He couldn't keep waiting for his mum to finally break up with Simon; the man had too much control over her, too much power. There was no way she would leave him, she was too scared. He couldn't depend on Amy either; she was far too young to lean on.

But who else was there? Who else cared? The only people Puck could think of were not available options. He knew in his heart that his dad, his real dad, would do anything to protect them if he knew of the horrors that had become their lives. Of course, his dad was long gone and quite unreachable. Just like April, she too had up and left.

Dropping the note to the floor, Puck shifted on the bed and closed his eyes. He amused himself with a hopeless fantasy of April coming back to Lima, the old flame she had disappeared with miraculously turning out to be a sober version of Puck's father. Together, the two would get rid of Simon and then move in with him, Amy and their mum. Perhaps his dad, mum and April could have a kinky threesome type of thing. Then Amy would be happy again, free to be a child and Puck wouldn't need to feel that blade on his skin anymore. The scars that littered his arms would magically fade and with April's help and guidance, he would win Finn's forgiveness. Then he would earn Finn's trust and friendship back before winning his heart.

"Finn." Puck breathed longingly as his thoughts turned to the hot male lead.

All too soon, Puck's hand was slipping beneath the covers and he was losing himself in sexual pornographic fantasies starring himself alongside Finn Hudson.

At school the next day, Puck once again found himself all too aware of Finn's presence. Embarrassed and still slightly ashamed about the indecent thoughts he was having towards his fellow Glee member, Puck kept his head down whenever they shared a class, not able to look Finn in the eye.

After lunch, Puck had Math, the class he never showed up to. He took to wandering the corridors trying to think of something to do but his mind always led him back to dirty thoughts involving Finn and occasionally handcuffs.

"Puck." A gentle voice said interrupting his most recent fantasy of having Finn fuck him beneath the bleachers while he himself was dressed in a female Cheerio outfit minus the underwear.

"Girls." Puck said quickly. "I was thinking about girls. Girls in Cheerio outfits… which I would never wear myself."

"Come with me to my office." Miss Pillsbury told him gesturing for him to move ahead of her.

With a huff, Puck meandered down the hallway then stepped into her impeccably clean office. He made himself as comfortable as he could on the hard backed chair and she sat across from him, organizing all the things on her desk into her preferred order.

"As you know, it is my job to look out for the students of McKinley High." Miss Pillsbury informed him as she neatly lined up her perfectly sharpened pencils side by side. "And I have particular concerns for those of you in the Glee Club. That includes you, Puck. Being in Glee isn't always easy with the way some of the other kids alienate you all."

"So what?" Puck shrugged.

"So… it must be difficult." She replied. "Before Glee you were one of the most popular boys in school. The dramatic change in your popularity must be hard to deal with. Perhaps you're feeling out of place, rejected."

"Whatever." Puck sighed. "I was never popular Miss P. People didn't actually like me, they just feared me. I was kind of a jackass."

"Ok, good, why don't we talk about that?" Miss Pillsbury pressed.

"No offence, but I don't really want to have a heart to heart about my delicate feelings." Puck told her.

"But you admit that your feelings are delicate," Miss Pillsbury noted. "That's good, Puck. That's progress."

"Can I go?" He asked.

"Not just yet." Miss Pillsbury answered looking thoughtfully through her brochures to see if there was something suitable. "Since you never bother to attend your Math class you may as well stay so we can have a talk. Unless you plan on going to do the library to complete some of your homework."

"Screw that." Puck scoffed.

"I suspected as much." Miss Pillsbury smiled. "Your school work is important, you really ought to apply yourself more in class. You're a smart kid when you put your mind to it. Now, why don't we talk about the events of last year?"

"If I wanted to talk about the past I'd go to History." Puck pointed out.

"The situation with Finn, Quinn and yourself couldn't have been easy." Miss Pillsbury said sympathetically. "That must have left some emotional scarring."

Puck ducked his head as he thought about the physical scarring on his arms.

"Giving up the baby too, that must have been a tough decision." Miss Pillsbury added.

"It wasn't my decision." Puck said resentfully. "I didn't get a choice. They wouldn't even let me hold her. My daughter, my little Beth, I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. Hell, I didn't even get the chance to say hello."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Miss Pillsbury told him. "That must be upsetting."

"Oh what do you know? You're not a parent." Puck snapped at her and the red-haired woman squirmed uncomfortably before once again rearranging the items on her desk.

"No, I'm not a parent." Miss Pillsbury agreed. "I can't even begin to imagine how deeply Beth's adoption must have affected you. But I can be here for you, Puck. I can listen, but for me to help you, you have to open up and let me in."

At the word 'help', Puck once again thought about April's note. She had told him that he needed to ask for it, and here was someone sat before him offering just that. He had to take what ever support Miss Pillsbury could offer. Shoving his hand into the back of his jeans pocket, he pulled out April's note that he had picked up off the floor that morning. He straightened it out then handed it over to the Guidance Counsellor to read.

"April?" She asked once she'd read the note through. "April Rhodes?"

Puck nodded in confirmation and he could tell that she was surprised. Letting out a 'hmm' sound, Miss Pillsbury read the note again before handing it back to him. Clasping her hands together and placing them atop her desk, she leaned forwards a little to speak to him.

"Perhaps you could tell me about the mess you're in." Miss Pillsbury suggested. "Maybe then I could help."

"What if you can't?" Puck challenged.

"Then I'll find someone else who can." Miss Pillsbury replied with a strong confidence she so rarely displayed.

Sitting up straighter, Puck tried to think of where to begin. His thoughts jumped from Simon, to the pocketknife stowed away in his bag, the marks on his arms, and the new feelings he was experiencing for Finn. To unload all of those things on her at once would be too much. He'd have to take it a step at a time. Deciding that the Simon issue was the most serious, he stood up and lifted his sweater, showing her the bruising on his torso. Lowering his sweater, he sat back down before telling her how he received those bruises. Her eyes widened comically when he revealed that the man who was treating him and his family so abusively was in fact a teacher at the school.

"First of all, thank you for having the courage to speak up and tell me." Miss Pillsbury said. "Now… now, um, ok… now you just have to remain calm and keep… oh, keep breathing. This is no time… no time to panic."

"Miss P, you look like you're gonna faint." Puck told her.

"Oh my gosh, I'm totally panicking." She exclaimed as she began fanning herself. "This is… this is serious. Too serious. How could he, how could he? He's a school teacher. He's in a position of trust, a trust to children… and you, you're only a child, this is… this is too much. You shouldn't have to deal with this. You don't have to deal with this. Not anymore. This is my problem now and I'm going to face it with strength and determination. Right now."

"Right now?" Puck asked as the woman stood to her feet before marching out of the office. "What do you mean right now? Miss P, what are you doing?"

He followed after her and found that she walked surprisingly fast for someone so petite. To Puck's horror, she was heading straight for the Math classroom that Simon was currently inside giving a lecture to a class full of students.

"Whoa, slow down." Puck interrupted standing in her way. "I really appreciate you wanting to help but confronting him in his classroom doesn't sound like a good idea. Do you know how fast rumours spread around this school? I don't want people knowing about my home life."

"Puck, that man is a disgusting excuse for a human being. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Miss Pillsbury told him vehemently. "He's the one who should be ashamed. He's in the wrong… so in the wrong. Not you, Puck, not you."

She made to move past him but Puck blocked her path again.

"Maybe we should talk to someone else first?" Puck asked her pleadingly. "Mr. Schue, he can help."

Her eyes were still full of anger for the Math teacher in the classroom a few feet away from them but she calmed down before nodding her agreement.

"Will is a very good teacher." She said. "And have you seen his eyes? Those are beautiful eyes to have."

"I'll take your word for it." Puck replied. "Let's go find him."

A few minutes later, Miss Pillsbury was interrupting Mr. Schue's Spanish class and asking him for a private talk of urgent importance. The class of students probably thought the two faculty members were about to get it on in the janitor's closet, but in actual fact, they sat along with Puck in Mr. Schue's office. As Puck told Mr. Schue all about his life at home and how it was terrorised by Simon, Miss Pillsbury offering her input every now and then, he saw how Mr. Schue's face increasingly fell, as though he blamed himself for the mess that was Puck's life.

"Why didn't you tell somebody before?" Mr. Schue asked him.

"I never really felt like anyone was listening." Puck admitted turning his eyes away from the guilt etched across his teacher's face.

"Don't worry; we're going to sort this." Mr. Schue assured him.

Principal Figgins was informed, calls were made to the police and social services, and Amy was pulled out of school and brought to McKinley where she instantly moulded herself against Puck's side when she joined him in Figgins' waiting room. Their mum was called out of work and Simon was led away in handcuffs.

"Is it over now?" Amy asked looking up at Puck.

"No." Puck answered honestly for he knew it was just the beginning.

As their mum showed up, official people swarmed around her asking her different questions. He suspected himself and Amy would be taken away somewhere to give statements and such. They'd probably even ask to view the bruises on Puck's body, they might even take photographs. That worried Puck more than anything. If they asked him to take his sweater off, there was no way he could hide his self inflicted injury. If the official people saw that, they might think the bruises were self inflicted too, they might not believe him.

At some point, they were being guided out of the school and ushered into cars and taken to the local police station. He was separated from Amy and his mum and found himself sitting in a bare room with a policeman and woman with a tape recorder in the middle of the table they sat around.

His mind tuned out as they asked him question after question and his brain worked on autopilot. He answered the questions in a monotone, the whole interview process a stressful blur. Then there were reassurances from the woman, gentle pats to the shoulder and kind smiles. There was coffee, sugarless, and not enough milk, it was worse than the kind they served in the school cafeteria. Then there was a firm hand on his back leading him through a hallway, up a flight of stairs, down a corridor and into another room. There was a camera, a new face looking upon him with pity. There was a question, to remove his sweater. He didn't want to, and he told them so, he heard his voice say the words even though he didn't remember speaking. Then there was an explanation, they needed visual evidence. Someone offered him a glass of water, to clam him down. It was better than the coffee.

Slowly, Puck stood in the position they had asked him to so they could take the pictures. He lifted his sweater so that it was pulled back over his head exposing his back and torso but still covering his arms. His heart beat against his chest, nervous, he feared they'd force him to take the sweater completely off but they didn't. One of the men tried to, but someone else, a woman, stepped in and allowed it.

The camera flashed, multiple times, the light blinding. He turned so they could snap shots of the bruises on his back. Then it was done, he pulled his sweater back down, received another glass of water. He was being led away again, back to his mother and back to Amy. They were going home, just the three of them, Simon was being held in custody. There was no need to cut, not that night. Just rest, peaceful sleep.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone, it really means a lot**

**Chapter 8**

For the first time in far too long, Puck awoke to find his house in a happy atmosphere. Amy was dancing around as she got ready for school, singing at the top of her lungs. Never before had Puck been so grateful to hear Miley Cyrus lyrics at an ear-splitting volume. His mum was in the kitchen making breakfast, a serene smile on her face as she tended to the pancakes.

The three of them sat down at the table together, adding liberal amounts of syrup to their food. There was no tension between them, no fear, and no threat of the mood being fractured by the roar of Simon's voice. Puck didn't have to wonder how long it would be before Simon gave him his next bruise. He didn't have to worry that Simon's fist might strike his mum or sister. They were safe.

He couldn't remember a time when breakfast had ever smelled and tasted so good. He took his time eating, cherishing the flavours that burst on his tongue as he chewed and swallowed each mouthful. If only it were possible, Puck would have frozen time so he could stay living in that moment forever. Of course, that was not a possibility. Eventually, he had to step out of his happy little bubble and walk out of the front door, back into the real world.

It wasn't safe for him out there, he wasn't protected. He was vulnerable, more so than he had ever felt before. A large part of him wanted to ditch school that day, to hide away at home so he could continue pretending that everything was good. But he didn't want to be thought of as a coward by his peers. He was certain that rumours would have circulated, that people would know the truth and they would look at him differently.

Pulling his truck to a stop in the parking lot, Puck took a few deep breaths preparing himself for the day ahead. As soon as he stepped out of his car, hundreds of eyes turned to fixate on him, watching as he made his way through the parking lot and up to the school.

He felt naked and not in a good way. Since his early teenage years, Puck had been completely confident about his body. Strutting through the school corridors in the nude wouldn't have fazed him in the slightest if someone had dared him to do it. But as he walked through the halls now, self-consciously pulling on the ends of his long-sleeves, he didn't feel confident. He felt exposed. Normally when he was actually naked, the girl he was with would look upon him in admiration, worshipping him as if he was some kind of Jewish God. It didn't feel like that now. There was no admiration in the eyes of his fellow students. They weren't checking him out because he was a stud with an awesome body and great guns. They were all gawping at the boy who got beaten up by his mother's boyfriend, by a teacher. It felt as though their eyes were burning through the material of his black long-sleeved top and drinking in the sight of his bruises.

The whispers and murmurs all blurred together, he couldn't distinguish anything anyone was saying about him. Perhaps that was a good thing; he didn't want to know what they all thought of him. But he couldn't escape the feel of their stares. It didn't matter where he went; there were always a number of eyes following him, judging him.

Quickening his pace, he dived into the relative safety of the nearest boys' bathroom and locked himself in one of the stalls. Carefully placing the toilet seat down, he perched on the edge of it and concentrated on breathing. He heard footsteps and he tensed up, his mind instantly expecting the worst.

"Puck?" A hesitant voice called out, a voice he recognised instantly as Finn's. "Open the door, man."

Head bent low, Puck stood and pulled the door open. A moment later, Finn had stepped inside the toilet stall with him and locked the door. Almost immediately, the two teenagers found themselves standing inches apart with similar expressions of awkwardness on their faces.

There wasn't a lot of space in the toilet stall, not for the two of them together. It would be difficult for either of them to make even the slightest movement without accidentally brushing against one another. The stench of the boys' restroom wasn't the most pleasant of odours either.

"Is it true?" Finn asked staring at Puck's chest as if he hoped to see past the material of his top. "What everyone's saying about Mr. Roberts, is it true?"

Puck simply shrugged. He had no idea what people were saying so it was impossible for him to answer the question. Still feeling Finn's eyes on him, Puck convinced himself to lift his head and look at Finn properly. The taller teen had an uneasy expression on his handsome features as he continued to look at Puck's covered torso. Puck couldn't help but think that he'd much prefer to have Finn stare at his body for an entirely different reason. Instinctively knowing that Finn needed, not wanted, but needed, to see visual evidence of what everybody was rumouring to have happened, Puck lifted his t-shirt up and displayed his bruises to the boy before him.

"Looks painful." Finn commented as he reached a hand out.

His hand hovered over the darkest bruise on one of Puck's upper ribs on the left side but Finn did not touch. As Finn roamed his eyes over the other patches of discolouration on Puck's skin, Puck remained stock-still. A part of him secretly imagined that he and Finn weren't locked in a toilet stall looking at Puck's bruises. In his head, Puck envisioned a much more pleasing scenario where Finn was checking out his perfectly toned body and drooling over his six pack. And if bruises must come into play in Puck's fantasies, then they would be bruises left by Finn's possessive touch, a mark of teenage lust and belonging, not the result of a violent teacher.

Feeling Finn's fingers actually make contact with his skin caused Puck to jump out of his fantasy and return to the reality of the situation.

"Sorry." Finn apologised pulling his hand back, probably thinking the touch had caused Puck pain.

"It's ok, dude." Puck replied as he finally lowered his shirt.

"No it isn't." Finn told him. "Why didn't you tell me what was going on? I would have helped you."

"I thought you hated me." Puck admitted hoping that he didn't sound as pathetic to Finn as he did to his own ears with that miserable tone he spoke in.

"I'm pissed off with you." Finn responded. "But I don't hate you."

"Why not?" Puck asked. "I hate me."

The level of awkwardness in the toilet stall increased after Puck's admission. Puck ducked his head again, suddenly finding the scuffed marks on Finn's sneakers to be fascinating. As for Finn, he tilted his long neck back and looked up at the ceiling.

All was silent until they heard the main door open and the sound of two or three people's footsteps enter the bathroom. Hearing the laughs of the unidentified boy's as they discussed the situation between Puck and Simon, Puck found that he wanted to curl up in a protective little ball until the rest of the world went away. It seemed that Finn had other ideas however, as he chose that moment to throw the door of the toilet stall open and march towards the three younger students who were lined up by the urinal.

Being older than the three teens who were hastily zipping their pants back up after peeing, and a great deal taller, Finn probably scared the hell out of them as he yelled at them before chasing them out.

If he were to be honest with himself, even Puck found Finn's behaviour a little intimidating and he'd be lying if he denied how badly seeing Finn stand up for him like that turned him on.

The main door banged shut after the three younger students departed and Finn swivelled back round to face Puck who was slowly stepping out of the toilet stall.

"Thanks, man." Puck said hoping he didn't look a picture of helplessness as gazed up at the taller boy. He literally had to bite down on his tongue so he wouldn't swoon about how Finn was his hero.

"No problem." Finn returned shifting uncomfortably on his feet as a blush crept up his neck.

Watching the adorable blush spread up to Finn's cheeks, Puck wondered what was making the boy react like that. It could have been the way he was blatantly eye-fucking Finn as he swaggered towards him, or maybe the excitement in his pants was more obvious than he realised. A step away from Finn, Puck noticed how the taller boy's gaze dropped to the bulge between his legs before he blushed harder and looked away.

"I should go." Finn said turning to leave but Puck caught his arm.

"I miss you." Puck told him honestly marvelling at how warm Finn's skin felt beneath his fingers. "I can't stop thinking about you." He mentally berated himself for sounding so much like a girl. He needed to do something manly, like making-out with Finn. Making-out was what guys did and what could be manlier than making-out with another dude, especially one with an ass like Finn's.

He turned Finn back round so they were facing one another. Or at least they _would _have been facing each other if Finn would look at him. But the quarterback would not make eye-contact. Moving his hands from Finn's arms, Puck lightly placed them on either side of Finn's face. Upon feeling the new contact, Finn's hands flew up to latch tightly around Puck's wrists as though preparing to push him away.

"I should go." Finn repeated as he released his grip on Puck's wrists.

As he made another bid for escape, Puck lunged towards him wrapping an arm around his middle. He overbalanced slightly and almost fell but he caught himself and stood chest-to-chest with Finn again. The other boy's heart was beating just as wildly as his own.

Craning his neck up a little, Puck focused his attention on Finn's soft-looking lips. That was a mouth just begging to be kissed, especially when Finn's pink tongue darted out to quickly moisten his lips. Clutching tightly to Finn's shirt, Puck moved his face closer to Finn's.

"Puck… don't." Finn breathed out shaking his head.

Before he could decide whether to ignore or obey Finn's words, the bathroom door opened and the two of them jumped away from each other as though they'd been burnt.

Looking to the figure of the person who had interrupted what could have been a wonderful or disastrous moment, Puck found himself glaring at a Slushie-stained Kurt Hummel. He looked to Puck with an eyebrow arched in surprise before flicking his eyes to Finn with something akin to amusement.

"I'll go clean up in the girls' bathroom." Kurt told them before turning away with a roll of his eyes and the beginnings of a giggle.

The door closed again, trapping Puck and Finn in a cocoon of awkward silence once more.

"Dude I…" Puck began but trailed off not knowing what he could possibly say.

He waited for Finn to say something but it soon became apparent that Finn had momentarily lost the powers of speech.

"Whatever." Puck finally said throwing his hands up in the air. "You're such a woman, Hudson." He snapped on his way out, instantly regretting the insult but doing nothing to take it back.

The corridors were less crowded now and the final bell signalling the start of first period rang shrilly through the walls of McKinley High. On his way up the stairs to first period, he felt like crying. He didn't of course, not at school. He'd probably end up crying like a pussy at home in his bedroom though. He wondered if that was how the remainder of his school life would be, getting into awkward situations with Finn, insulting him for the sake of something to say and then crying about it in secret later.

Entering his first class felt like being a caged animal in a zoo. Everybody, teacher included, glued their eyes to him from the moment he stepped inside. The multiple eyes followed him to his seat and stayed on him for a long while. As the lesson progressed, some of his classmates grew bored and concentrated on their work or fell into conversations with their friends. But there were always at least eight pairs of eyes on him at any given time. If one person looked away, then another person would turn to ogle him in their place. He found that he didn't like people staring at him for anything other than his hotness. It was uncomfortable, awkward and humiliating but he forced himself to remain seated and endure it.

Lunch time came about and despite the way his stomach growled with hunger, Puck refused to set foot in the cafeteria. There were far too many people there. A classroom full of eyes on him was bad enough, not to mention the countless gazes that followed him through the corridors between classes, but walking into the cafeteria was just too much.

So he ignored the protests of his belly and headed outside taking refuge at the top of the bleachers. The air was a little chilly and he wasn't wearing a jacket that day so he wrapped his arms around himself for warmth. Still, he was alone out there and he was comfortable that way. He knew hiding away outside wasn't at all badass behaviour, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Even badass motherfuckers like himself needed space and alone time on occasion.

Just as his thoughts were turning to the pocketknife at the bottom of his bag, Puck found himself with company in the form of Finn. Wordlessly, the taller boy sat down beside him, their knees brushing against one another. He then handed Puck a hot cup of coffee with just the right amount of milk and sugar along with a waffle wrapped in a napkin.

"Hello." Puck whispered as he accepted Finn's offerings. "Thanks, bro." He didn't know why he was speaking in hushed tones, he just did.

He wolfed the waffle down in four large bites before taking a long gulp of coffee, the hot liquid instantly warming his insides somewhat. They sat in silence as Puck finished his coffee, Finn looking out at the empty field with a look of deep concentration on his face. During the silence, Puck thought back to past times between himself and Finn. He wondered if his former friend remembered the same things he did. He thought about mentioning some of their good times together but his throat clammed up and he never got the words out.

Drinking the last of his coffee, Puck threw the polystyrene cup as far as he could, watching it fight against the wind before eventually crashing to the earth.

He turned his body towards Finn, wanting to reach out and touch him but not having the confidence to. Instead he simply admired Finn's features.

"What are you doing?" Finn asked him.

"Looking at you." Puck admitted with a shrug.

"Well don't." Finn told him before standing up and making his way down the bleachers.

After approximately three seconds' hesitation, Puck stood up and followed after him then pulled Finn under the bleachers when they both reached the ground. Finn shrugged him off and sent a warning glare at him.

"I can't… I don't… I should go." Finn eventually managed to say.

"I should go." Puck repeated mockingly. "Is that all you can say today?"

"Drop it, Puck." Finn sighed. "I can't deal with this… with you."

He turned to walk away but Puck seized hold of him. Annoyed, Finn shoved him away, irritating some of the nastier bruises that were hidden under Puck's top. Without thinking, Puck threw a punch to Finn's stomach.

"Shit, I-I-I'm sorry." Puck stammered stepping closer to Finn and gently placing a hand on the boy's stomach where he'd hit him.

"What the fuck's your problem, man?" Finn asked through clenched teeth shoving Puck's hand away as he massaged the place where he'd been hit.

"Sorry, I just… you shoved me and my first instinct was to lash out." Puck answered. "Your shove put pressure on my bruises, it hurt and I… I don't know. It felt like I was back at home getting knocked around again."

Straightening up, Finn's face turned into an expression of sympathy and understanding before fading away.

"I didn't mean to… freak you out or whatever." Finn told him. "Just… I can't deal with you right now. I'm heading back inside; they have chocolate cake for dessert."

With that said, Finn walked away and Puck simply watched him go, his own stomach emitting a low rumble at the thought of chocolate cake. But he still refused to set foot in the cafeteria, so Puck had to ignore his longing for chocolate cake and stay outside in the cold, the wind numbing his skin but not the confusing emotions he had for Finn.

After lunch, he had a lesson with Finn but Puck didn't show up to it. He headed to the choir room instead; somewhere he could always feel safe even if he didn't always feel welcome when the rest of the Glee club was there. However, for the time being he was alone. Sitting down, he draped his guitar over his lap and idly strummed for a while before kicking up a tune and singing a song. A love song, a love song for Finn.

I'll insult you until my tongue aches

Cry over you till my eyes run dry

I'll study until I learn to hate you

Whisper 'hello', till I can scream 'goodbye'

I'll be your friend until you betray me

Offer a shoulder if you'll lend an ear

I'll remember until the memories fade

And be brave as I conquer this fear

I'll bruise you until my fists break

Oh so gently I'll help you heal

I'll starve until I defeat hunger

Become numb till I no longer feel

I'll be the boy you never fell for

The love song you never heard

I'll hold on until I can let go

Be caged till I'm free as a bird

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee ok people**

**Thanks for reviewing, please keep em coming**

**Chapter 9**

It happened again. He just couldn't stop himself. The school day ended and Puck had been heading out to the parking lot, as he always did. Then his eyes had landed upon Finn and Rachel, arms around each other as the short girl leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss the lanky teenager. Puck forced himself to look away before the couple's lips could connect.

As he moodily strapped himself into his truck, he couldn't help but recall how his lips had almost come into contact with Finn's that day. He cursed himself as he turned the ignition on. What was he thinking by making a move on Finn like that? The dude was straight; he was dating Rachel-I-Must-Sing-All-The-Solos-Berry for crying out loud.

Driving along the road, Puck decided that it was actually a good thing that Kurt Hummel had entered the boys' bathroom when he did. If they hadn't been interrupted, Puck would have gone in for a kiss, utterly humiliating himself when Finn no doubt rejected him before running back to his precious dwarf of a girlfriend. As that thought struck his mind, Puck felt a small nibble of guilt, Rachel wasn't _that _bad. He sighed as he realised that he was well and truly gay for Finn. He'd been getting used to the idea for a while now, but this was the first time where he truly accepted his feelings for Finn.

Arriving home, Puck headed straight up to his bedroom and locked the door behind him. He didn't even stop to think about his actions, he just let his body take over. Soon enough, he was pulling down his pants then running the blade of the pocketknife along his thighs. A shaky breath escaped him when he finished his cutting session. He stared down at his legs, watching the ruby red rivers seep out of his skin. He counted them all up discovering that he had made twenty-one fresh cuts, ten on his left thigh and eleven on his right.

Sitting in silence, he waited patiently for the blood to stop running and the incisions to dry up. Pulling his pants back on, he stowed the pocketknife away then carried on to the bathroom to have a shower. The water stung his legs a little but he gritted his teeth and endured the discomfort. He eyed the shower gel wearily before deciding against it and washing himself only with water.

For the rest of the evening, he forced on a grin and played happy families with his mum and Amy. They sat down to watch a film together, some girly chick-flick that Puck had no interest in. Amy moved to sit on his lap. He hissed at first, the pressure of her weight on his newly cut thighs causing him pain. But he allowed her to remain on his lap, his arms around her as she laughed at parts of the movie, unaware that every time she moved it caused her older brother more pain.

Amy fell asleep in his arms that night so Puck carried her up to her bedroom and tucked her in. A few strands of her dark hair fell over her face and he gently pushed them out the way before leaving. Returning to his own bedroom, he looked down at his jeans and winced as he saw that hints of blood had seeped through meaning that some of the cuts had been reopened. Luckily, his mum and sister hadn't noticed the stains because Amy had covered them from view as she was sat on him. He worried his lip for a moment wondering if his mum would realise what the stains were when she washed them. Eventually deciding that he could get away with convincing her it was coffee or hot chocolate if she ever asked, Puck stripped them off and threw them to the corner of his room where a pile of dirty clothes was mounting up.

Getting into bed, Puck let out a sharp wince as the mattress irritated his thighs. He turned over onto his back but the quilt caused the cuts some discomfort too. In the end, Puck slept on his side feeling disgusted with himself that he still attacked his flesh with that blade.

After a long while in which Puck attempted to count sheep in order to find sleep, he finally succumbed to the call of dreams and lost himself in more fantasies of himself and Finn.

He dreamt that they were in Glee club, not rehearsing, just having a fun jam session. Finn was playing the drums; somehow, that boy _always _looked hotter when he was playing. He himself was strumming his guitar artfully. Then their eyes met across the room and they mentally undressed one another before Finn threw his drumsticks down and marched over to him.

Carefully, the taller teen took Puck's guitar away and handed it to one of the others. Then without warning, dream-Finn pulled Puck towards him and thoroughly ravaged his mouth with his lips, teeth and tongue. Panting for the breath they technically didn't need in the world of dreams, Puck and Finn pulled away, lips still lingering together as they searched one another's eyes, their fellow teammates whistling and cat-calling.

Ignoring everybody else, the two kissed again before Finn pushed Puck backwards until he hit the wall, before the taller ground his body against Puck's. It may have sounded like a wanton whimper that tumbled from Puck's lips, but dream or not, he was still a badass and certainly didn't whimper.

With the rest of the Gleeks looking on with varying amounts of interest, Finn pushed Puck down to his knees, opening his fly and introducing his cock, which was smaller than Puck's by the way, to Puck's eager mouth. It was probably a dream-Santana who commented on how hot the display was, but it could have been dream-Brittany or even dream-Kurt. It didn't matter in Puck's mind; all he was concerned with was Finn's brown gaze meeting his own as he sucked on his cock.

Before dream-Finn could cum, he forced Puck's mouth away from his hardened flesh, and Puck definitely didn't pout, his lip naturally stuck out like that in his dreams. Then Finn helped Puck to his feet again and their tongues sparred together passionately as they made their way towards the piano, stripping one another of their clothing along the way.

Fully naked, dream-Finn forced Puck chest down over the piano before coming up behind him, dream-Kurt offering him advice on how best to prepare Puck's hole for entry. Being the one to take didn't make Puck any less of a man; in fact it made him even more of a badass for daring to take Finn's cock up his asshole. Dream-Rachel even commented how brave he was for trusting Finn with his anal virginity.

As dream-Finn fucked him hard on the piano, the rest of the group either returned to practice or sat down comfortably to watch. Brittany and Santana got front-row seats and called out suggestions for Finn to smack Puck's ass, to pound him harder or to teasingly stroke Puck's neglected cock. They also helped each other with their own arousal by finding their way into one another's panties and finger-fucking one another's pussies. Dream-Kurt also watched, gently fondling himself in his pants before Brittany urged him to join in. With dream-Finn continuing to brush his prostate with every second thrust, Puck grunted, mewled and groaned as Kurt crawled towards them on his hands and knees, moving under the piano before taking Puck's length in his mouth. As it happened, dream-Kurt had a surprisingly skilful mouth for a virgin.

To Puck's frustration, his alarm clock blared loud and shrill, disturbing what had been such a weird but incredibly thrilling dream. Slamming the alarm off, Puck pushed his sweaty covers off of himself, looking down at his morning wood. Closing his eyes and trying to hold on to the erotic images of his dream, he wrapped his hand around his shaft and tugged up and down, desperate for release.

Thoughts of Finn's face flashing through his mind, Puck came into his own hand, back arching off the bed, mouth falling open as he groaned in pleasure. Wiping his sticky hand on his stomach, he rolled off the bed and hunted round for a set of clean clothes. On his way out of his bedroom, he happened upon Amy.

"You were making funny noises." She accused.

"Well you've got a funny face." He retorted childishly before heading down for breakfast.

The family of three sat at the table together, munching on their waffles and sipping their fruit juice. His mum mentioned something about Simon, court cases, testimonies or something. Puck chose to block the words out, just nodding his head on the pretence of listening. Finishing his breakfast, he jogged back upstairs to brush his teeth and wash his face. Running a hand over the bristles of his mohawk, Puck deemed himself totally shag-worthy before heading off to school.

He suspected it would be another difficult day. Each school day probably would be until his fellow students found something else to gossip about. Knowing there was nothing he could do to stop whatever rumours may circulate, he steeled himself for entering the hellhole of a school once more.

Just like the day before, eyes and whispers followed him through the corridors. For a few moments, he wondered if this was how Quinn had felt in the early stages of her pregnancy when everyone had whispered about her before growing bored of the subject. It occurred to him that if he maybe spoke to her, she might show him a degree of sympathy having been on the receiving end of such stares herself. However, he opted against such an idea when he actually spied Quinn gliding down the halls as if she owned the place, that new Sam kid trailing behind her with a dreamy expression on his face.

After stopping at his locker, something that everyone in the area just _had _to watch intently, Puck proceeded to head for his Math classroom for the first time since Simon had shown his true colours. Although he'd never admit it out loud, he was nervous but he kept up a façade of indifference as he made his way to the correct classroom.

Stepping inside, his eyes instantly landed on Kurt who was already sat down with his books out and sucking on the end of his pen. The sight brought back memories of the dream he had in which Kurt had a special guest appearance. Coughing awkwardly, Puck dragged his feet to a seat at the back.

The classroom slowly filled up, each student making it a point of staring at Puck as they moved to their seats. Tapping his pen on his notepad impatiently, Puck waited to see who would be covering Simon's class. As it turned out, Miss Pillsbury had been asked to take over. She smiled at him warmly and suddenly all the stares and whispers didn't seem so bad.

The red-haired woman taught the class surprisingly well. Puck was shocked she was so good before remembering that she helped with SAT prep and things so she obviously had good knowledge of all subjects.

Despite not having showed up to a Math class for so long, Puck found he was able to keep up fairly well. He got stuck a few times but Miss Pillsbury was by his side almost immediately to talk him through it, reprimanding anyone she caught throwing looks at him or exchanging whispers with their neighbours.

After the period, Miss Pillsbury called for Puck to remain behind. She asked him how he was doing and if he needed to talk about anything. He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, wanting to seek her help about the self-harming issue and the Finn situation but not knowing how to.

"Why don't you come by my office this afternoon?" Miss Pillsbury asked him. "We can have a proper heart-to-heart then."

"Sure, thanks Miss P." Puck nodded making his way out of the room.

That afternoon, it was a subdued Noah Puckerman that entered the Guidance Counsellor's office and dropped lazily into the awaiting chair, a heavy sigh passing through his lips.

"Rough day?" Miss Pillsbury asked sympathetically as she squirted some hand wash onto her palms and rubbed it in. "If people are really giving you such a tough time about your situation I'm sure I can talk to Figgins and…"

"It's not that." Puck interrupted. "People are still talking behind my back but nobody's actually had the balls to say anything to my face."

"Ok, so what exactly is on your mind today?" Miss Pillsbury asked. "I can tell just by looking at your face that something has upset you."

He rubbed a hand over his face as if that would somehow take away the signs of his depression and possibly remove it. Sitting up higher but still with a slouch, he met the woman's kind doe-like eyes, not even having the energy to check out her rack.

"What makes a good couple?" He asked her.

She frowned in thought for a moment obviously not expecting such a question. Looking round her office for inspiration she finally listed a few things that had no doubt come from various self-help information pamphlets or magazines.

"Common interests, chemistry, physical attraction, trust, honesty, commitment, respect and friendship." She said.

"Friendship." Puck echoed and she nodded.

"Some people say that the best romances bloom out of friendships." Miss Pillsbury smiled. "So, I take it that means some pretty girl has captured your interest. That's great Puck, moving on from everything that happened with Quinn last year is a good thing but…" She said as she turned to select a pamphlet then pass it over to him. "It is important that you remember last years experiences and you learn from them. You don't want to make the same mistakes again."

Looking down at the pamphlet in his hand, Puck was met with a far too detailed picture of a teenage girl giving birth, clutching tightly to a teenage boy's hand, his face a picture of pain.

"I'm not looking to get into anyone's skirt." Puck told her handing the pamphlet back. "Lately I've been… wanting something… someone… different."

"Different?" Miss Pillsbury asked with a confused expression.

"Yeah, different." Puck replied shifting uncomfortably in his seat, trying to convey without words what he was trying to say.

"Different." Miss Pillsbury repeated still looking at him as the answer evaded her.

After a few painfully awkward minutes, her eyes widened a little as realisation hit her.

"Oh I see." Miss Pillsbury said before pulling out a different pamphlet and pushing it across the desk for him.

Looking down at it, Puck saw that it bore the slogan: 'NO GLOVE THEN NO GAY LOVE'

"I don't think that's something I have to worry about." Puck told her pushing the leaflet back. "It's just this one dude I like and… he'll never feel the same."

"Not necessarily." Miss Pillsbury thought out loud. "And you'll never know unless you tell this boy how you feel. Maybe he has feelings for you too and he's simply too scared or confused to approach you about it."

"Or maybe he's straight, has a girlfriend and hardly speaks to me anymore since I… fucked up our friendship." Puck said.

"I'll just pretend I didn't hear you swear." Miss Pillsbury told him. "So, I assume you're referring to Finn Hudson. Good choice, good choice, he's a very good-looking young man. The two of you would look really good together."

"Whatever, you don't have to say that." Puck butted in with a roll of his eyes. "I know it'll never happen."

"You know, I believed that anything more than friendship between Mr. Schuster and I would never happen." Miss Pillsbury confided. "He had a wife. As much as I wanted to be with him I never believed it could actually happen. I was wrong. He's left his wife and he and I are… slowly making the transition from friendship to romance. There's no reason why things shouldn't work out with you and Finn."

"Babe, I impregnated his girlfriend." Puck reminded her. "That shit's hard to forgive."

"Once again I will pretend I didn't hear such language come from your mouth." Miss Pillsbury said. "Now, sleeping with Finn's girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend, is merely an obstacle you need to overcome on the rocky road to love. You need to win his trust back, show him the honest and loyal person you can be."

Ducking his head, Puck rubbed his arm where Finn's name etched onto his skin was hidden underneath his shirt sleeve. He couldn't deny that he wanted Finn, but realistically, he didn't see how he could ever get him. It almost seemed possible when Miss Pillsbury talked about it with her big expressive eyes and her warm smile, but in his own head it seemed unachievable.

"I don't suppose you've got a pamphlet on how to get over someone?" Puck asked hopefully.

Her face fell slightly and she reached across the table to take one of his hands in her own, something she would never have done if she was aware of the fact that Puck never washed his hands after taking a piss. As she spoke to him softly, there was a certain look in her eye that made Puck think she was trying to tell him something without actually saying it but he had no idea what.

"I speak to a lot of students, Puck." Miss Pillsbury explained. "All with different problems and concerns that they need help with or… sometimes, what a child really needs is for somebody to just listen. And I _do _listen Puck, I really listen. I listen so carefully I sometimes hear the words a student doesn't say."

"Huh?" Puck asked wondering how you could hear something that wasn't said.

"People don't only talk with their voices." She told him. "They talk with their bodies, with their eyes and sometimes the words they leave unsaid speak volumes louder than the words they do say." It still didn't make sense to Puck but he nodded for her to continue anyway. "Now, there is a code of confidentiality in my office. If a student, any student, were to come to my office for advice or just to talk to someone willing to listen, that student has my trust that I will keep a secret about whatever we discuss."

"So?" Puck asked still not getting what she was trying to tell him.

"So," Miss Pillsbury replied. "I can't tell you anything another student may have told me, and I can't tell other students anything you might say. But, I can give you advice and encouragement. So, I'm advising you not to give up on Finn."

Then it slowly started to click in Puck's brain. It seemed that Finn had also been talking to the Guidance Counsellor lately and from whatever he may or may not have said, Miss Pillsbury thought there was hope for the two of them.

"Thanks Miss P, you're totally awesome." Puck told her before leaving her office.

Feeling much happier with himself, he walked through the school with the hint of a bounce in his step. In the next corridor, he happened upon a sobbing Rachel emerging from the girls' toilets. She sniffed as she turned to look at him, her eyes red and swollen as tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

"Um… hey?" Puck offered unsurely patting her on the shoulder.

A strangled sob escaped her as she collapsed into his arms burying her face in his chest. Somewhat awkwardly, he wrapped an arm around her and patted her back.

"There, there." He said.

"He lied to me." Rachel bemoaned through her tears. "He lied."

"Oh… sorry." Puck apologised lamely having no idea what she was crying about.

"Oh Noah, I'm so glad you're here." Rachel told him. "You're the only one who truly understands me. We'll always look after each other right?"

"Sure." Puck answered though in all honesty it felt like a one-way thing to him.

Here she was right now crying in his arms with him comforting her, but the Jewish girl had been content to ignore him the past months when he'd been spiralling further down into a dark hole of depression. Where had she been when he needed someone to look out for him? In Finn's arms, that's where.

"Noah, do you think I'm pretty?" Rachel asked weakly.

"You're beautiful." He told her thinking it best not to point out that she looked like a mess right now with puffy eyes and a snotty nose.

"Thank you." She replied with a smile as she cuddled up to him. "You're so lovely when you're not being a jerk. Do you think you could give me a ride home? I don't want to drive with Finn today."

"Sure." Puck answered and she beamed at him before looping her arm through his and leading the way down the corridor, changing the conversation topic to Broadway stars and show tunes.

When the school day finished, Puck did indeed drive Rachel home. On the way, she informed him how Finn had slept with Santana. It had happened last year, when Rachel was dating that Jesse St. James freak, another attractive dude if Puck was honest about it. Even though Rachel and Finn hadn't been an item at the time, Rachel still felt betrayed because Finn had lied to her about saying that nothing had happened.

For the first time possibly ever, Puck shared the girl's pain, probably more so. The thought of Finn and Santana together was not a pleasant one. He didn't feel as though the Latina girl had betrayed him in any way, she had never been a proper girlfriend after all, and Puck knew all too well that Santana would sleep with anyone who held still long enough. It felt like Finn had betrayed him though. He knew that was ridiculous for him to think taking into account that he had slept with Quinn behind Finn's back, but knowing that Finn had given up his virginity to Santana really… hurt. It shouldn't have been with Santana, it should have been with him.

After dropping Rachel off, Puck drove home, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He kept the tears at bay until he locked himself in his bedroom. Then the salty tears rolled down his cheek. He wiped them away angrily, almost wishing that Simon was still around so he could have a punch-up with the asshole to unleash his anger.

Instead, he kicked his jeans off, pulled out his knife and slashed twenty-one new cuts across his thighs. Once he was done, he collapsed back down on his bed, eyelids fluttering and breathing heavily. For a while, he felt better.

It takes twenty-one cuts to make me feel good

And to remind me I'm still real

Those twenty-one cuts will become twenty-one scars

That will never truly heal

All alone I'll allow my blood to flow

I will not breathe a word

But even if I screamed out loud

It's not certain I'd be heard

Such a painful seduction

A sufferable aching need

I'm intoxicated by the silver

And crave the chance to bleed

It takes twenty-one cuts to make me feel good

And to remind me I'm still real

Those twenty-one cuts will become twenty-one scars

That will never truly heal

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer-no I don't own glee**

**Thanks for reviewing everybody**

**Chapter 10**

Football, it had always been Puck's favourite sport. He and Finn used to practice together all the time when they were younger. They made a good team just the two of them, throwing and catching, running and tackling. The two of them had always competed against one another, trying to be the best, showing off. Most of the time Puck proved victorious in their two-man game, but sometimes Finn would win but only because Puck had let him.

In the present day however, the sport didn't seem as enjoyable. Coach Beiste was certainly a good trainer, far better than their previous Coach had been. The woman had a true passion for the sport and her job. She worked them hard, encouraging all the boys to do their best, to push themselves and to work as a team.

He was glad she was so invested in the football team. They actually managed to win a few games with her coaching them for the first time since Kurt quit. But did she have to work them to the bone every single practice? It was too much. All the running was making his legs hurt from where he'd taken the pocketknife to them and everytime he got tackled by one of the other players it caused him more pain. Pain on the bruises that had yet to fade from Simon's last attack as well as the more fresh cuts on his thighs and the older scabs on his arms.

After finding himself flat on his back again, this time underneath Finn, Puck experienced the pain once more. Normally, he'd shove the other player off of him immediately, but he didn't mind having Finn spread on top of him.

"Um dude, you ok?" Finn asked quietly.

"Yeah man, I'm good." Puck told him unable to properly make out Finn's features through his helmet.

Too soon for Puck's liking, Finn stood up then offered his hand out to Puck. Smiling, he accepted it and allowed the taller male to help him to his feet.

"Thanks." Puck said holding on to Finn's hand longer than necessary.

Coach Beiste blew her whistle ordering them all back into the game. Before the practice was over, Puck found himself trapped beneath Finn's weight three more times. He wondered if it was merely coincidence or if Finn was trying to be close to him. His lips twitched into a smile at the thought but he tried not to get his hopes up too much. Just because Miss Pillsbury believed the two could have something didn't mean she was right.

Tired, sweaty and muddy, the team headed back up to the school. As the rest of the team staggered into the showers, Puck took his clothes to the single toilet stall and changed in there before heading out to his truck without washing. He couldn't risk anyone, especially Finn, seeing his scars. He'd simply shower at home instead.

"Puck?" Finn called and he stopped on his way to the main door and turned to face the other.

He was only wearing a towel that was wrapped loosely around his hips, water droplets dripping down his skin, the sight going straight to Puck's cock.

"Yeah?" Puck asked knowing that he was blatantly eye-fucking but unable to stop himself.

"I… nothing." Finn replied before turning away to get dressed.

Feeling a little disappointed, Puck carried on his way. Before leaving, he turned to look over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of Finn dropping his towel to reveal his gloriously naked behind before he stepped into his boxers. Storing the sight into his mind so he could beat off later, Puck left with a smile on his lips and a semi-erect penis between his legs.

He didn't cut that night and he was proud of himself for it but he knew it was only a matter of time before he resorted to a blade again. He really needed help and even though Miss Pillsbury was the most obvious person to turn to, he just couldn't bring himself to tell her. The woman had helped him so much already and he was grateful for that, truly. He just couldn't confide in her about his self-harming. Perhaps he was fearful of her reaction, or maybe he dreaded what slogans and pictures may accompany whatever pamphlet she thought it best to provide him with. Or, a small voice in his head piped up, maybe he didn't seek help from the Guidance Counsellor because he wanted someone else to help him. Not just anybody, but Finn.

Closing his eyes and settling down to sleep that night, Puck admitted to himself that the thought of Finn helping him overcome his dangerous addiction was a very pleasing one. For so long, Puck had acted like a hard man. It would be nice to play the helpless needy victim for a change, to have somebody look after him. Not that he'd be a damsel in distress or anything. No, he'd be a very manly badass kind of victim.

Morning came and as Puck woke up early after having a dream featuring giant talking marsh mellows, he decided to cook breakfast for the two ladies in his life. As soon as it was all prepared, he set it out on two separate trays then took it up to his mum and Amy so they could have breakfast in bed. Returning to the kitchen, he buttered a couple slices of toast for himself and munched them down.

His cell phone beeped in his pocket and he slipped it out to look at the text he'd received. He hoped it would be a declaration of love from Finn but he was dismayed to find it was Rachel politely asking for a lift. Although he was tempted to say no he agreed to meet her at her house in ten minutes. After all, he knew how depressing it could be when you were alone with nobody talking to you, and he needed friends just as much as Rachel did. And who knows, maybe she had some advice on how he could get with Finn.

Rachel had barely plugged her seatbelt up when Puck was already regretting his charitable act of driving her. The beginnings of a headache were already pounding at his brain by the time he'd driven them round the corner of her street. She really did just keep talking. As she droned on, he briefly entertained himself with the thought of speeding the car up so that they'd crush and possibly die but he reasoned that to do such a thing would ensure he went to hell. Knowing his luck, hell would mean that he'd be forced to listen to Rachel singing and talking for all eternity.

"I don't even know what I ever saw in Finn Hudson." Rachel stated as he parked the car in McKinley High.

"Those adorable puppy brown eyes." Puck said without thinking as the boy in question walked towards the school in his line of vision. "That cute crooked little smile, his hopeless dancing, how when he sings it makes you feel like you're the only person in the room and how you get a boner when you watch him play the drums."

"I'm a girl, Noah." Rachel responded giving him a strange look. "I don't have the necessary equipment to produce a… boner." She whispered the last word as though it was a disgusting swear word.

"Oh right, wet panties then." Puck shrugged.

"Noah do you…?" Rachel began but trailed off shaking her head. "Never mind, I was being absurd, you couldn't possibly… could you?"

He quirked an eyebrow acting as though he didn't know what she was talking about. Of Course he knew full well that she was trying to ask if he had a thing for Finn but had trouble verbalising such a question since she found it to be so ridiculously farfetched.

"Come on." Puck said getting out of the truck then moving round to open the door for her. "I'll buy you a Slushie, grape's your favourite right?"

"Right." She answered threading her arm through his as they walked through the parking lot together. "Can I throw it in Santana's face?"

"Not if you want to live." Puck told her seriously.

Once inside, he bought her the cold syrupy drink and she thanked him before sucking the icy liquid up through the straw. He smiled to himself a little as he realised the drink had earned him a few minutes of peace from her otherwise constant chatter. The drink gave her brain freeze and she placed her hand to her head before offering him the rest of the drink to finish off. He drank a little before throwing what remained into Jacob Ben Israel's hair when he tried to look up Rachel's skirt.

"Now in ordinary circumstances I don't condone bullying," Rachel said. "But that was really sweet of you. Thank you, Noah."

"Yeah whatever." Puck replied allowing her to steer him to their English classroom.

Normally, Puck would sit alone at the back but on this morning Rachel herded him to sit up front with her. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Even though he could still feel the occasional stares the other students sent in his direction, he couldn't actually see them so it was less of a bother. Rachel was also nice enough to let him copy her work so he didn't even have to use his brain too much.

Unfortunately, Rachel did latch herself onto him for the rest of the day and though she let him copy all of her notes, he did have to sit and listen to her ramble on about how devastated she was over her break up with Finn and how intensely she loathed Santana.

As lunch time came about, Puck worried she might force him to join her in the cafeteria. Thankfully, she wasn't in the mood to face the rest of the school population either. Instead, Puck drove them out of school to the nearest pizza place. They shared a cheese and tomato together sitting in the back of Puck's truck as well as a large bottle of cola. He tried to convince her to ditch the afternoon and just hang out with him somewhere but she refused, just as he expected her to.

So it was that they drove back into school with five minutes to spare before their next class. He said a goodbye to her as they went their separate ways, finding himself nodding in agreement when she requested that he meet her in the choir room.

After a more boring than usual history lesson, Puck made his way to the choir room and found Rachel already inside waiting for him. He joined her by the piano where she had multiple sheets of music. She went through each page with him explaining what the song was about, who wrote it, who originally performed it and what made it so special to her. For once, he actually found what she had to say moderately interesting.

They picked out a song together and Puck played the tune on his guitar while she sang. He actually enjoyed himself. In a way, it was almost like hanging out with April again. He always enjoyed singing, but it was always better to sing with a friend than alone. Once they were done, they packed up and Puck drove her home again. She invited him inside to stay for dinner with her and her two gay dads. Thinking it would be rude to decline, he followed her inside, calling his mum to let her know he was at a Jewish girl's house.

Meeting Rachel's two dads wasn't at all how Puck expected it would be. Never having met them before, he was under the impression that they would both just be older versions of Kurt Hummel. As it happened, Ross, the white guy, reminded him a little of Artie. And her other dad, the black guy Joey was actually kind of cool. A little intimidating as well, he was obviously very protective of his daughter. It was lucky that Joey had never been introduced to Jesse or Puck was sure the dude would have permanently injured the Vocal Adrenaline star.

For dinner, they ordered Chinese since neither of the two men were skilled in the kitchen. It was strange to be dining with Rachel and her family but not unpleasant. Joey struck up a conversation about sports and Puck found that he was as knowledgeable as any straight guy, if not more so. Ross was a bit quieter but still friendly and welcoming. He kept shooting Puck little looks though, not in a creepy-checking-out-his-daughter's-sexy-underage-friend kind of a way, it was more of an I-can-tell-you-like-cock-kid-so-come-out-of-the-closet kind of look.

After eating, Rachel invited Puck up to her bedroom. Joey looked ready to object but Ross told them it was fine. Following Rachel upstairs, Puck assumed that Ross' gaydar was working better than Joey's.

Sitting down on Rachel's bed, she told him she wanted to show him something. He waited as she fished for something inside of her desk, guessing it would have something to do with musicals. However, she shyly stepped towards him and presented him with a collection of photographs.

Looking down, he discovered the first photo was of a woman who looked strikingly similar to Rachel, her birth mother, Shelby, the woman who had adopted Beth. Slowly, he put the photo to the bottom of the pile to look at the next one. It was Shelby again, this time holding Beth in her arms. A lump formed in his throat and his eyes filled with tears as he gazed down in awe at the photo image of his daughter.

"She's so beautiful." Puck breathed out.

"I keep in contact with Shelby." Rachel told him. "It's too late for her to be a proper mother to me but we keep in touch. She's like an older sister or a cool auntie or something. I get to see Beth too, she's adorable. Maybe… maybe you'd want to come with me sometime. Tomorrow after school?"

"Shelby won't mind?" Puck asked hopefully.

"Not at all." Rachel answered with a smile.

"Thanks, Rach." Puck gushed squeezing the girl in his arms and dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "You don't know how much this means to me."

Before he left for home, Rachel handed him a few photos that depicted Beth on her own for him to keep. He couldn't keep the grin off his face and he was more than excited for tomorrow to arrive so he could finally meet his daughter.

Arriving home, he shrugged off his jacket, picked Amy up high and spun her around before kissing his mother's cheek then bounding up the stairs singing happily to himself. His mother called something out to him but he didn't hear properly. Entering his room, he found Finn sat on his bed and assumed that was what his mother had said.

"Hey." Puck said shocked to see the boy there.

"You look happy." Finn observed.

"I…" Puck began but Finn cut him off.

"You were with Rachel, I know." Finn said. "I hope you'll be very happy together." He told him but it didn't sound like he meant it as he moved off the bed and brushed past Puck.

"Finn, Finn wait!" Puck called after him following him down the stairs. "It isn't like that. We were just hanging out, we're just friends."

Finn ignored him and left the house before storming down the street. Not bothering to grab a jacket, Puck raced after him.

"Nothing happened." Puck said desperately. "I'm not dating her or anything, I don't see her like that I swear."

"Don't lie to me!" Finn snapped with his brown eyes blazing as he shoved Puck against a wall, pinning his arms to the cold stone surface. "I'm sick of you fucking lying to me!"

"Dude, I'm not lying." Puck replied begging Finn with his eyes to see he was speaking the truth. "Just calm down, Finn."

But Finn wasn't looking at him anymore. The boy's eyes were wide as he stared at Puck's left arm.

"P-Puck?" Finn stuttered nervously his eyes still fixed on Puck's arm.

Slowly, Puck followed Finn's gaze and found that his shirt sleeve had slipped down his wrist a little, revealing a few obvious scabs and scars. Far too late, Puck pushed Finn off of him and covered his skin up. He opened his mouth to make up some lame excuse before closing it again and preparing to leave. He hadn't made more than three steps when Finn's hand, gentle but firm, on his shoulder stopped him.

Reaching out, Finn pushed the sleeve of Puck's left arm all the way down to his elbow and Puck did nothing to stop him. He just stared at a dip in the pavement while Finn stared in horror at his own name etched into Puck's flesh.

I have bled

And I have bled for you

Cuts of guilt

For all I put you through

I have bled

And I have bled a sea

Scars of love

Hoping you'll save me

I have bled

And I have bled some more

Blood and you

Is all I'm living for

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone, sorry for leaving you on such a cliff-hanger, here's the next chapter**

**Chapter 11**

As Puck finally found the courage to remove his eyes from the concrete pavement and look at Finn, he found the taller boy clutching the side of his head with his face scrunched up in disgust, pity, horror and confusion. Even though the damage had been done and Finn had already seen far too much, Puck pulled the sleeve of his shirt back down covering the scars from view. Self-consciously, he placed his hand over the part of his arm that was inscribed with Finn's name. Judging by the look on Finn's face, he could still see the carved words in his mind's eye.

After several painfully long and silent seconds, Finn took a few steps back asking, "What have you been doing?" in a strangled voice. Unable to answer, Puck just bit down on his lower lip as Finn raked his hands through his hair, his entire body trembling slightly. "What have you been doing?" he asked again sounding as though he himself was experiencing the pain of all of Puck's cuts. "What the FUCK have you been doing?" Finn demanded to know striding back to Puck and pinning him to the wall by his shoulders, his lips curled in a vicious snarl, his grip on Puck painful but with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "Answer me!" Finn urged.

"Bleeding." Puck replied after a moments thought.

Although it was an honest enough answer, it was clearly not the response Finn had been hoping to hear for he slapped Puck around the face. It took a short while for Puck to realise that Finn had just slapped him, something a chick would do. Before Puck could think it through, he pulled him arm back and punched Finn's jaw. In all honesty, there was little strength behind the punch for Puck found he had little energy, but at least his attack was more appropriate for a badass dude.

The punch had been so weak Finn had only blinked a few times before a single tear spilled from his eye that he quickly wiped away. He didn't understand why Finn was crying but he couldn't bring himself to ask.

"You stupid selfish prick." Finn said through clenched teeth. "What is this shit? Are you trying to make me feel guilty or something, huh? Is this some twisted little mind game? Do you want me to feel sorry for you? Or is this just some attention thing?"

"It makes me feel better." Puck mumbled. He closed his eyes as he said it, tasting the bitterness of shame on his tongue as the words tumbled out.

"You stupid fuck," Finn whispered. "You stupid fuck!" He repeated louder as he backhanded Puck across the face.

The backhanded slap created a sharp sting, the kind of which Puck hadn't felt since Santana gave him a smack for calling out someone else's name the last time they had slept together. Thinking back, Puck remembered that Santana had accused him of crying Quinn's name. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd actually moaned the name Finn and Santana had just misheard.

Returning his mind to the present, Puck found that Finn had thrown his hands in the air before moving to the edge of the pavement and sitting down on the kerb with his head in his hands. Puck remained where he was, slumped against the wall not knowing how to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, it was blindingly obvious that Finn was just as clueless as to how to handle things. He'd already experienced the initial shock and confusion, which led him to anger and girly slapping violence. Now the boy was sitting on the roadside, probably trying to process everything in his grade D on average brain.

The silent discomfort between them was suddenly disturbed as a middle-aged lady appeared round the corner carrying a number of shopping bags. As she stumbled past them, one of the bags split and the contents scattered onto the floor. Letting out a sigh of frustration, she crouched down to retrieve the items. Quietly, Finn moved to help her earning him a series of gushed thank-yous. Puck opted to keep up his sulking demeanour and simply watched.

Carrying everything awkwardly in her arms, the woman moved on and Finn stood with his hands in his pockets and scuffing the toe of his sneaker on the path. After the woman was out of their vision, Puck hesitantly stepped closer to Finn and placed a hand on his bicep. He felt Finn's arm tense up at the touch but he didn't pull away.

"Help me?" Puck pleaded as his throat burned and his eyes stung with the need to shed tears.

Taking a breath, Finn turned his head to the side looking away from Puck. He shook his head, not in a gesture of refusal, but as a sign of his struggle to fully accept everything that was happening as real-life.

"Come on. My house." Finn ordered placing a hand between Puck's shoulder blades and giving him a gentle shove to encourage him to start walking.

Of course, it wasn't the house Finn grew up in that they went to. Instead they headed for the Hummel-Hudson household as Finn and his mum were now living with Kurt and his old man. The closer they got, the more Puck slowed down. He didn't want to face Mr. Hummel, he'd heard horror stories about him and he didn't want Carole or Kurt finding out about his issues either.

"It's empty." Finn told him as if he knew what was on Puck's mind. "Burt and mum will be out pretty much all night and Kurt's hanging with Mercedes."

Feeling a sense of relief, Puck resumed a normal walking pace and followed Finn's lead. They entered the house and Finn paused in the kitchen to drain half a can of Burt's beer before handing it over for Puck to finish. Finn then made the way to his bedroom with Puck following behind.

Even though they were alone in the house, Finn locked the door behind them, an action that would have made Puck gulp nervously if he wasn't such a badass. He stood awkwardly in the middle of Finn's room while Finn leaned against the door looking equally uneasy if not more so.

Back in the days when their friendship had been strong, Puck had always made himself at home when he was at Finn's. They'd play computer games and Puck would help himself to snacks, talking politely with Carole if ever she was around. That had been before the Quinn mess of course. Now it was a different house and a different room and Puck felt out of place.

"Are there more?" Finn asked breaking the silence.

Puck knew he was referring to the cuts and scars. He could feel Finn eyeing him as though he was looking right through his clothing and drinking in the sight of every single scratch, scab and incision. At first, Puck considered lying but he instinctively knew Finn would not believe him. Besides, out in the street he had asked for Finn's help. If he wanted to other boy to help him through the mess he had created then he would need to be honesty. So he nodded his word once again feeling himself drown in a sea of shame.

"Can you show…?" Finn began taking a few steps closer to him before stopping. "Let me see… I _need _to see."

His first instinct was to rush over to Finn's bed and hide under the covers like a small child until all his fears went away. His next thought was to shove past Finn and make a run for it. He couldn't find the energy to do either, plus running or hiding would make him look like a total pansy.

So it was that Puck found himself pulling his shirt over his head and letting it fall from his fingers to Finn's rather untidy floor. Finn's eyes were hooked on him and he took a step closer, looking over every single cut on his arms. Slowly, Puck unfastened his belt before stepping out of his jeans with uncharacteristic shyness. Not having worn underwear that day, he was now stood in the nude, everything displayed to Finn. He cupped his hands over his dick and balls in an act to retain a little modesty. He'd never felt so exposed. Not even half-stripping at the police station so they could photograph his bruises had made him feel this vulnerable.

"Shit, Puck." Finn sighed collapsing to his knees as he eyed the damage Puck had done to the skin on his legs.

In any other situation, Puck would have found the sight of Finn kneeling before him unbearably arousing, but there was nothing at all sexual about the moment they were now sharing.

He flinched a little in shock as Finn reached a hand out and lightly touched one of the angrier looking dark-red cuts at the top of his right thigh. Finn pulled his hand back and his eyes flew up to meet Puck's in a look of apology. Slower this time, Finn reached his fingers out again and traced some of the markings with a feather-light touch that brought goose-bumps to Puck's flesh as well as a ticklish sensation.

"Why?" Finn breathed out the question as he continued roaming his hands over Puck's legs, the touch oddly comforting rather than intrusive.

"I don't know." Puck admitted. "To feel."

Finn released a sigh, his breath ghosting over Puck's skin before he stood up. Casting his eyes downwards, Puck pulled his jeans back on. He reached for his shirt but Finn stopped him. He took Puck's wrist in his hand before looking over the butchered skin. He then turned his attention to Puck's other arm, the one that bore his name. With his thumb, Finn traced the lines of his name.

"Is this my fault?" He asked. "Did you hurt yourself because of me?"

"No way, man." Puck answered. "I'm just… fucked up."

"Well I already k-knew that." Finn tried to joke in an attempt to lighten the heavy mood. It may have worked if he hadn't stammered his words.

"You're not gonna tell anyone, are you, dude?" Puck asked him.

"Our secret." Finn told him holding his hand out.

"Thanks, bro." Puck smiled taking Finn's hand and squeezing it before flinging his free arm around Finn's shoulders bringing him into a slightly awkward hug.

At first, he thought Finn would remain limp in his arms. But as Puck made to pull away Finn wrapped his free arm around Puck and stroked his hand up and down Puck's bare back.

"You're not on your own, ok?" Finn said. "You're better than this shit, stronger. I promise I'm going to help you through it. I've got your back, dude."

Puck clutched to Finn tighter and the taller boy released their hands before pulling Puck into a proper two-armed hug. Puck's fingers curled themselves into Finn's jacket, tightly, as if he was afraid to let him go. One of Finn's hands had moved up to the back of Puck's neck and the other rested on his lower back, just a few inches above the waistline of his low-hanging jeans.

He buried his face in the crook of Finn's neck for a while, breathing in his boyish scent. The other boy's smell didn't intoxicate him or remind him of being near the ocean or fragrant meadows or anything else as corny and clichéd as that. It wasn't even a smell that was distinctly Finn. The smell could be that of any teenage boy, perhaps with the exception of Kurt who liked to wear those expensive male fragrances. In all honesty, Puck preferred Kurt's smell to Finn's, but the smells of girls' perfumes were even better. Quinn always smelled of heaven, Brittany of cotton-candy, Santana of cinnamon and spice, and Miss Pillsbury always smelled wonderfully clean.

But the feel of Finn's arms around him and the fact that he was so close to Finn's throat, close enough to taste his flesh if he flicked his tongue out, was far better than any woman's smell.

Feeling a moment of courage, or possibly supreme stupidity, Puck pressed his lips to Finn's neck. He dared to travel his kisses up further, his ear-lobe, his cheek, then down to his jaw line before moving in for his lips. His plan was thwarted as Finn pulled away, his hands moving to Puck's waist.

"Rachel?" Finn asked.

"Just a friend." Puck insisted, his hands moving to grip Finn's upper arms. "I swear to you."

"And Quinn?" Finn asked awkwardly unable to meet his eye.

"A mistake." Puck answered before wincing at his choice of words as he thought of Beth. "I mean, I love Beth, Rachel's even gonna take me to Shelby's to see her tomorrow but… man I messed up so bad. I don't even know why I… I'm so sorry. But I promise, I will never hurt you like that again."

"And Santana?" Finn asked finally.

"I could ask you the same question." Puck pointed out. "Rachel told me you did the nasty with her last year."

"I wish I hadn't." Finn admitted lightly tracing circles on Puck's waist, though he didn't seem to realise he was doing so. "It didn't mean anything. But what about you and Santana, you've always gone back to one another before."

"She was never really… look it's over." Puck replied. "Even if I wanted to get back with her I wouldn't stand a chance. I'd have to fight Brittany for her and there's no way I could beat up a girl so… she'd kick my ass."

Finn laughed gently and Puck released a small chuckle of his own. He moved his face closer to Finn's again only for him to pull away once more.

"We shouldn't." Finn told him uncomfortably. "I'd be taking advantage of you." His eyes dropped to the etching of his name on Puck's arm.

"Hey, I want you to take advantage of me." Puck said.

"So… you're gay?" Finn asked him.

"Just a little." Puck answered. "You?"

"Just a little too." Finn responded.

This time, when Puck moved to close the gap between them, Finn didn't pull away. Their lips and teeth clashed together awkwardly and they lightly bumped noses. The two of them laughed uneasily through their embarrassment before making a second and much more successful attempt.

Turn from me

And for a while I'll die

You show anger

In those deep brown eyes

Be my friend

Do not leave me alone

I won't survive

If left all on my own

Wrap me up

Remind me what bliss is

Before I die

In bloodstained kisses

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing**

**Chapter 12**

Waking up the next morning, Puck eagerly got out of bed and sang on his way to the shower. The day before had been full of drama but it had turned out pretty awesome in the long run. He and Finn had kissed, for ages, a full blown make-out session until Finn creamed his pants and Kurt returned home.

Getting ready for school, Puck suspected that today would be a great one for him. He'd even be heading to Shelby's with Rachel after school so he could see Beth.

In his truck, he turned the volume up as loud as it could go and sang along, drumming his hands on the steering wheel in time with the music. As he swaggered through the parking lot and up to the main school building, he didn't even care about the losers who continued to exchange whispered rumours about him. Even Sue Sylvester stopping him in the halls and offering him hairstyle advice didn't deflate his mood.

"Hey little lady." Puck greeted hugging Rachel from behind as he joined her beside her locker.

"Noah, good morning." Rachel replied. "You're in uncommonly high spirits this morning. That's ever so pleasant to witness seeing as how you've been so solemn lately. This is definitely a positive development. Being cheerful will improve your singing as well as your performance and stage presence."

"Right, sure, whatever." Puck laughed as he leaned against the wall of lockers. "So, are we still on for today?"

"Of course." Rachel smiled. "I already talked it over with Shelby. She also said that Quinn would be welcome to join us if she so desires."

"Yeah, Quinn, I guess I'd better ask her." Puck nodded.

"Ok Noah, who is she?" Rachel asked.

"Huh, Quinn? She's the birth mum." Puck answered.

"No, that's not what I meant." Rachel pointed out. "I was referring to whatever girl is responsible for the smiles that keep breaking out on your face. Sudden happiness such as yours can only be brought about by romance. Reveal all, as a girl myself I am qualified to give a female insight to how she may be feeling about your new situation."

"I don't know what most of that means," Puck said. "But… thanks, I think. But it's cool. I got this."

"Well at least tell me her name." Rachel pleaded as she latched on to Puck's arm as they moved through the corridor. "Or just the first initial. Come on, I can keep a secret. Just give me a little clue. She isn't more talented than me is she?"

Puck stopped round the corner as his eyes landed on Finn down the other end, his back to him as he spoke to Brittany and Santana.

"Girls who behave like that make me sick." Rachel remarked as she glared at Santana. "Not only did she steal Finn's virginity but she announced it for all to hear which ultimately led to our breakup. And now she's already trying to clutch her nails onto him. It's despicable. I'm far more talented than her. I'm the female lead and Finn's the male lead, it's only natural that he and I be together. She shouldn't try and ruin that, for the team's sake."

Puck rolled his eyes unsure how to respond. He felt a little bad for her considering he had been the one with his tongue down Finn's throat the night before. However, as he watched the taller teen laughing with the two Cheerio's he began to question whether their make-out session had meant anything at all. They hadn't exactly put words to whatever it was going on between them. It was clear they were attracted to one another though, surely that had to mean something more than a one-kiss-stand. Despite that, Puck couldn't help the insecurities that were swimming around in his head. He knew he was a hot stud and a badass to boot, but it would be much easier for Finn to have a girl on his arm. Especially one who wasn't as mentally and emotionally fucked up as he was with self-inflicted scars spoiling their skin.

"Noah, are you feeling ok?" Rachel asked him waving her hand in front of his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm good." Puck answered forcing on a grin, his eyes moving back to Finn and the girls with a touch of envy.

"Santana." Rachel voiced. "You have feelings for her don't you?" Her tone was almost accusatory.

"No, I just…" Puck tried to explain but she cut him off.

"Don't worry, I understand perfectly." Rachel said bitterly. "She's everything that guys fantasize about. Hot and sexy and she'll always put out. Maybe… maybe I should be more like her?"

"Just be yourself Rachel." Puck told her. "If you try acting like Santana or anyone else who isn't you, it'll just make you miserable. Besides, you're kinda cool in your own way."

"I need to get Finn back." Rachel stated. "I have to, if I don't I think I might die. Noah, you have to help me."

"I'm sorry, but I can't." Puck sighed scratching the back of his neck beginning to feel guilty.

"Why not?" Rachel asked.

"I just… I just can't." Puck answered.

He turned back to look at his fellow Glee clubbers down the other side of the corridor. He was considering just heading away when Kurt strode towards Finn, tapped him on the arm and pointed over to where Puck was still standing with Rachel.

Finn turned his head and a lazy grin spread onto his face before he left Brittany and Santana and moved towards Puck.

"Oh sweet Barbara, he's coming over here." Rachel panicked. "What do I do? Should I play hard to get or should I forgive him easily?"

Instead of answering her, Puck walked to meet Finn. He wasn't sure what to do. Kissing Finn in the middle of the school corridor would no doubt ensure that the jocks kicked their asses for being gay, and it would be highly insensitive to Rachel who was standing a little way behind him. Perhaps they could just hug or shake hands. Puck wasn't sure so he figured he'd let Finn make the first move.

"Hey." Finn greeted with a smile obviously not knowing how to act either.

"Hey yourself." Puck said quietly so only Finn could hear the playful flirtation in his voice.

"Janitor's closet?" Finn suggested in a whisper.

"Sounds good." Puck replied before following a step behind Finn as the taller teen led the way.

As they passed by Kurt, Puck caught sight of the countertenor miming giving a blow-job with his hands. He quirked an eyebrow wondering how much Kurt knew about the two of them.

Checking that the cost was clear, the two boys dived into the closet and locked it behind them. Their lips eagerly found one another and Puck momentarily forgot about Kurt, Santana, Rachel and the rest of the world as he focused on exchanging saliva with Finn.

"Hey, what happens now?" Puck asked reluctantly pulling away from the kiss.

"Um… I don't really know." Finn answered sounding a little embarrassed. "Maybe we should ask Kurt. He has those gay magazines so I'm sure he knows how people like us are supposed to do it."

"Not what I meant." Puck replied rubbing his hand up and down Finn's arm as though to ensure he was really there with him and not a figment of his imagination. "Are we… what are we now? And are we gonna tell people?"

"I don't know." Finn admitted with a shrug. "What do you want?"

"I just want you." Puck told him.

"Good." Finn said. "So… we're boyfriends then." The tone of his voice made it clear that the decision was final.

"Dude, you are so gay." Puck grinned.

"You're gayer." Finn retorted pressing his mouth back to Puck's.

Their tongues sparred together and hands desperately roamed over bums, abs and any place they could reach. Puck even found that he could be a little bit rough with Finn without worrying about hurting him. It wasn't like being with a girl. He didn't have to whisper sweet nothings into Finn's ear and tell him he wasn't fat in order to get a little more action. There was no need for words at all, for them, actions were enough.

"You have to be the one to tell Santana." Finn said suddenly. "She kinda scares me."

"Deal." Puck agreed. "But you have to tell Rachel before anyone else. And let her down gently."

"So we're telling people then?" Finn asked.

"They'll find out eventually anyway." Puck pointed out reasonably. "I say we tell the people we care about and then leave it. The rest of the school will find out naturally. I'm not saying we should hide it but we probably shouldn't parade it around."

"You're seeing Beth today right?" Finn asked him.

"Yeah." Puck smiled. "I can't wait. You think she'll like me?"

"She'll love you, man." Finn assured him. "But since Rachel's taking you, maybe I should wait till tomorrow before I tell her."

"Yeah, that's fair." Puck agreed. "I'll tell mum and Amy tonight."

"And I'll tell mum and Burt." Finn said. "It shouldn't be too hard; I know they'll accept me just like they do Kurt. Oh and, Kurt sort of knows about us."

"Yeah, I thought as much." Puck nodded. "It's cool, bro."

"He's our cupid you know." Finn told him. "He's the one who's really been helping me deal with my feelings for you."

"You had feelings for me before?" Puck asked.

"That's mostly why I was avoiding you." Finn admitted. "Not because I was still pissed about the Quinn thing, I'm over that, honestly. I was just scared about how you made me feel and… scared you wouldn't like me back."

"Yeah well, you always were an idiot." Puck teased.

Finn made to make a retort but Puck silenced him by bringing their mouths together again. He smirked into the kiss, feeling almost dizzy with the knowledge that he was making-out with his new _boyfriend_. Since he and Finn were together now, Puck guessed that made Kurt sort of like his step-brother too. As they were family, Puck thought it best that he take Kurt's advice. So he dropped to his knees and released Finn's cock from the confines of his pants. He used his hand and mouth to get Finn off, doing to him what he'd enjoy himself.

Later that day, Puck seated himself behind Quinn in one of their lessons. He wrote her a note asking if she wanted to join him and Rachel seeing Beth that afternoon. Copying the notes off the board, Puck kept looking to Quinn. When the teacher's back was to the class, Quinn unfolded the piece of paper and read through it. A moment later she tossed it back. Opening it up, Puck looked down to see she had added a single word, 'no'.

For some reason, he felt hurt. Not for himself, but for Beth. He wanted to argue with Quinn, persuade her to change her mind, but he knew it was a lost cause. From the moment Quinn had discovered she was pregnant she had firmly decided that she didn't want the child. In her eyes, Beth wasn't a daughter; she was merely a mistake that had become a miracle to somebody else.

She wasn't a mistake to Puck though. Beth was his daughter no matter what anyone else said. And since Quinn didn't want to play a part in _his _daughter's life, Puck was more than content to refer to Shelby as Beth's mother in the future.

The school day continued to go by at an unbearably slow pace. Even hot heavy make-out sessions with Finn between classes didn't make the time speed up. On any normal day Puck was often waiting impatiently for the bell signalling the end of school to ring, but he was even more eager to hear it today. He just wanted to grab Rachel and get to Shelby's so he could see Beth. If it were up to him, he'd have ditched school and gone straight there. Of course, Rachel would never skip a class and he didn't know the way without her.

In his last lesson of the day, he tapped his fingers impatiently on the table top, earning himself numerous annoyed looks. After twenty minutes, the teacher ordered him out for being such a distraction. Grabbing his things, Puck stalked down the corridor heading for Miss Pillsbury's office. He knocked on the door before striding inside and lounging on the chair.

"Aside from the apparent frustration, you seem to be in a happier mood." Miss Pillsbury observed.

"Can you keep a secret?" Puck asked her with a wide grin.

"Confidentiality is a key role in the job I perform." She reminded him.

"Cool. Finn's my boyfriend." He blurted out to her.

The woman actually squealed in excitement and clapped her hands together before gushing about how perfect they were for each other and what an adorable couple they made.

"I'm so happy for you." Miss Pillsbury smiled. "Now tell me how it happened. I want the details… unless it gets too dirty, then you can stop, but give me the basics."

He told her most of what happened between himself and Finn the night before as well as their interactions with one another that day. He edited out the parts about Finn seeing his scars though.

"Any advice on how Finn can break the news to Rachel without her… crying?" Puck asked.

Miss Pillsbury looked thoughtful for a moment before handing Puck a pamphlet for him to give to Finn. It bore the slogan: HOW TO DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND NOW THAT YOU'VE TURNED TO COCK WITHOUT HER BECOMING AN EMOTIONAL WRECK LEAVING YOU WITH FEELINGS OF GUILT

"Damn, you really do have a pamphlet for everything." Puck commented before telling her all about his excitement to see his daughter.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing people**

**Lyrics are in italics, song is 'Beth' which any Gleek should know is sung by Mark Salling on Glee (with the other boys minus Kurt, but Mark's the sexiest so he's the most important :p)**

**Chapter 13**

She was beautiful; there was no other word for it, simply beautiful. The moment Puck set eyes on his daughter, he felt a sudden overwhelming rush of love and protectiveness for her. Everything about her was so perfect. The soft fine blonde locks she had inherited from Quinn, the almond shape of her eyes that came from his mother, the chocolate brown of his own irises. One moment Beth was smiling looking as innocent and angelic as Quinn. The next moment there was a smirk playing at her mouth and a sense of mischief in her eyes that displayed all the signs of a badass in the making. Oh yes, Beth was definitely Puck's little girl.

He had been worried that Beth wouldn't take to him, but a connection had instantly been formed the second Shelby placed the tiny girl in his arms. All he could do was stare at her in amazement, continuously remarking on how beautiful she was.

Sitting down, Shelby asked if he'd like to feed her. He nodded eagerly and Rachel moved to the kitchen and prepared a bottle of baby's milk. She returned and handed the bottle to Shelby who proceeded to show Puck how to do it correctly.

He stared down in wonder as Beth sucked on the nipple and placed her tiny hand atop his larger one as she swallowed the milk down. She met his gaze and surveyed him with curious interest, looking just as fascinated by him as he was by her. Puck was dimly aware of the flash of Rachel's camera as she took a photo of him holding his daughter.

"Feel free to come round and visit anytime." Shelby told him kindly. "She needs her father in her life."

It was not tears in Puck's eye at that moment. His eyes just looked a little watery because of the way the light was shining. Yes, the light, that was it. And that was not a teardrop running down his cheek. No, it was just sweat, pure manly sweat.

As Puck continued to feed little Beth, Rachel and Shelby engaged themselves in conversation about what solo's Rachel ought to sing and other musical-related things. He was also mildly aware of Rachel asking for advice about boys, or more accurately Finn. He would have felt a little guilty if he wasn't so amazed with the girl in his arms.

Beth drained the contents of the milk bottle so Puck sat her up a little and lightly patted her back, burping her. Normally, Puck found girls who burped in front of him to be a turn-off, it was disgusting. But coming from his daughter, belching seemed to be the most adorable thing.

He lay back on the sofa, Beth on top of his chest. He put on a baby voice as he spoke to her, telling her how gorgeous she was as he pulled faces at her. She giggled and replied to his compliments with baby jargon. Her little hands reached out to touch his mohawk before she turned her focus to chomping on his finger. It tickled slightly having her little tongue and gums gnaw at him, her saliva dribbling down.

Holding her securely in his hands, he pushed her up in the air so she was above him. The volume of her giggles increased and she spread her arms out as though she was flying. Laughing along with her, he pulled her back to him again and pressed a series of kisses to her head and face as he hugged her.

Rachel prepared dinner for them, leaving Shelby and Puck to talk as they cooed over baby Beth.

"You're very good with her." Shelby told him.

"I always said I'd be an awesome dad." Puck replied. "Didn't I?" He asked in a baby voice as he rubbed his nose with Beth's. "Didn't I beautiful? Yes, I did, daddy did."

"It's a shame Quinn didn't want to come." Shelby commented.

"Yeah well Quinn's… I don't even know." Puck shrugged. "I guess she never felt like she was a mother. But the moment I found out Beth was mine I knew I was a dad, I felt it. I mean, Quinn cared enough to eat healthy and all that but… that's it. I guess it's easier for her to walk away completely and pretend it never happened."

"The two of you aren't a couple then?" Shelby asked.

"Nah, Quinn and I were never… it didn't work out." Puck answered.

"What about you and Rachel?" Shelby questioned with a smile. "She told me the two of you dated for a while. Any chance of reconciliation?"

"Oh um… no, mam." Puck replied a little awkwardly. "I mean Rachel's great but we're just friends."

Thankfully the awkward conversation was stopped by Rachel's call that dinner was ready. Shelby took Beth and placed her in her play pen while they ate. As Puck stuffed his mouth with Rachel's surprisingly good cooking, he kept turning his head to watch Beth.

When they were done, Shelby cleaned up in the kitchen and Puck and Rachel moved to play with Beth. Rachel kneeled in front of the baby girl and was eagerly trying to encourage her to hit different singing notes through her baby gargles. Puck rolled his eyes knowing that with Rachel and Shelby's influence, his daughter would be singing and dancing like a pro in no time. She'd also no doubt learn how to storm out of a room with great dramatic affect.

As Puck looked on, Rachel crawled along the floor and Beth imitated her movements and shuffled along behind her. Considering how spoilt and controlling Rachel often was, Puck thought she'd have made a very good sister. He wondered if his mum would let him sell Amy to Rachel and her two gay dads. Maybe then he and Finn could spend the money on a romantic holiday, and by romantic he meant sex-filled. He doubted his mum would agree to sell Amy though and after a while Puck would probably miss her.

"Clever girl." Rachel beamed pulling Beth into her lap. Just as Shelby was returning Beth had begun to tug at Rachel's hair.

Rachel set her down on the floor again and she crawled to her adopted mother for a quick hello before reaching her arms out to Puck. He happily pulled her up onto his lap and she rewarded him with a slobbery kiss. Inevitably, Beth grew tired and stretched her arms out as she let out a yawn, her eyes drooping.

Shelby led Puck upstairs to Beth's room and he carefully laid her in her cot. After kissing Beth goodnight, Shelby returned downstairs to Rachel leaving Puck to have a moment with his daughter.

"_Beth I hear you calling…_" Puck sang as he stared down at the tiny girl in wonder.

"_But I can't come home right now_

_Me and the boys are playing_

_And we just can't find the sound_

_Just a few more hours_

_And I'll be right home to you_

_I think I hear them calling_

_Oh Beth what can I do?_

_Beth what can I do?_" He finished the song there and smiled down at his sleeping daughter.

He leaned down to drop a gentle kiss to her forehead before quietly making his way back downstairs. He thanked Shelby and she smiled warmly at him inviting him to come back anytime. She gave him her number so he could call her. Shelby hugged both him and Rachel before the two teenagers left together so Puck could drive Rachel home.

"What are you smiling at?" Puck asked her in the car.

"Just one evening with Beth and she already has you wrapped around her little finger." Rachel commented. "I think that's adorable."

"Well she's adorable." Puck replied. "And I'm still a badass ok, just look at my guns."

"Of course." Rachel grinned. "Total badassness, I would never question such a thing."

As he pulled up outside her house, Puck lightly placed a hand on her arm so she wouldn't leave immediately.

"Noah, what is it?" She asked looking at him with genuine concern.

"Thanks for today." He answered her and she smiled softly, looking just like Shelby. "You really are a cool chick. I'm just… I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Rachel repeated in confusion. "What do you have to apologise for?"

"You'll find out from Finn." Puck told her.

"Finn?" Rachel asked as her confusion increased.

"I really am sorry. I hope we can still be friends." Puck said.

Rachel surveyed him quizzically for a long while before finally stepping out of the car. Just as she was fishing out her keys to enter her house, Puck saw her pull out her cell phone. From the way her body language changed, Puck guessed it was Finn on the other end about to tell her about the two of them via a phone conversation. Puck cringed a little before driving off. If it indeed was Finn on the phone, then he lost serious man points for telling Rachel over the phone. Still, at least it wasn't through a text.

Arriving home, Puck sat his mum down telling her they needed to talk. She looked at him a little apprehensively, probably fearing he'd gotten another girl pregnant. Of course, she wouldn't have to worry about such things anymore.

"I think I'm in love mum." Puck told her. He wasn't too sure himself. It could just be teenage lust that he and Finn had, but there was so much history between their friendship that Puck was fairly confident it was more than just a fleeting crush.

"Is she Jewish?" Sally asked.

"No mum." Puck answered and his mother visibly sagged in disappointment. "It's not… not a she… it's a he." He bit his lip as he watched her for a response. She had gone quiet and blinked several times before leaning closer to him as if searching his face for a sign that he was joking. "He… um, he cares about me too." Puck carried on. "We're, you know, together… boyfriends." The word sounded strange on his tongue but not unpleasant.

"A he." Sally said. "Boyfriends." She echoed obviously trying to get her mind round it. "Noah, I don't… this isn't… I'm not sure how I should react to this."

"I'm sorry." Puck mumbled feeling like he was a big disappointment to his mother.

"Look, Noah, I'm sure this is just a phase." Sally told him in what he took for a comforting voice, though probably more comforting for herself than for him. "You're a teenager, you're just curious. Give it a few days and it'll pass then you'll go back to chasing girls again. Jewish ones preferably."

"It's not a phase." Puck replied defensively. "And I'm not having some big gay freak out. This is who I am and it's what I want. _He's _what I want."

"No, no, you're still a child." Sally protested. "You don't know what you want. We'll call for Rabbi Greenberg in the morning; he can talk to you, man to man. He'll help you understand and overcome this… confusion."

"Mum, this isn't going to go away with Rabbi Greenberg yapping on at me in Jewish as we play spin the dreidel." Puck sniped. "This is real, you can't change that."

"You're my son," Sally said. "And I love you, I do. But I can't watch you get hurt. This boy, whoever he is, he just isn't good enough for you. I don't like him."

"What?" Puck spluttered. "How can you say that without knowing who it is?"

"A mother's instinct." Sally replied. "You may feel like you can't live without him but I'm sure as soon as he's had his wicked way with you he'll be moving on looking for his next conquest."

Puck squirmed in his seat realising how accurate that statement had once been to himself.

"He isn't like that mum." Puck told her.

"Every man is like that, Noah." She responded with a sigh. "All they do is cause you hurt. You're better off without this Romeo."

"Finn." Puck replied. "It's Finn."

"Finn Hudson?" She asked and Puck nodded. "Oh, well why on earth didn't you say so? He's a lovely boy and I'm sure he'll bring out the best in you…" His mum continued on listing all the great things about Finn and reasons why they'd be a good couple.

"Huh?" Puck grunted not understanding his mother one little bit.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone**

**Chapter 14**

Arriving at school, Puck had barely stepped out of his truck when Kurt strutted by him with a knowing smile. He grinned back awkwardly before trudging up to the school building alongside the more obvious homosexual.

"Has Rachel had a chance to go full-out diva on you yet?" Kurt asked casually.

"No, why, did Finn tell her?" Puck questioned him beginning to worry how the girl had taken it.

"Over the phone last night." Kurt confirmed. "I heard the entire conversation, Rachel's side too since she was screeching so loud. You really ought to have been the one to tell her, Finn lacks the sensitivity required to deal with… well, sensitive situations. My estimation, Rachel cried all night long."

"Damn." Puck winced feeling guilty all over again.

"Uh-oh, good luck." Kurt whispered as he spotted Rachel approaching in her animal sweater and mini-skirt.

The short girl stormed right up to him before striking him across the cheek. Puck of course did not vocalise his pain, he was much too badass for that, not that he felt pain, because Rachel was a chick, there was no way she could hurt a tough guy like him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rachel demanded to know with her hands on her hips, her loud voice gaining the attention of everyone in the area. "I trusted you; I thought you were my friend, that we shared a bond because of our Judaism."

"Rachel, I'm sorry ok." Puck apologised keeping his voice low. He gently grabbed her elbow and led her to a more private setting. "I just thought it would be better for you to hear it from Finn."

"You, Noah, are such a… such a…" Rachel struggled to find the right word. "Such a… boy." She finally settled on pointing a finger at him accusingly. "Finn already broke my heart, multiple times I might add, he was the ex-boyfriend, what we had together was already history. He was not obliged to offer me an explanation. You however as my friend _should _have been honest with me. Being hurt by Finn and humiliated by Santana is devastating enough; I really didn't need you to add betrayal to my problems."

"Babe, it wasn't betrayal." Puck told her. "We just… I don't even know how Finn and I happened ok. But we wanted to tell our families first, I'm sure you can understand that right? And I insisted that you be second to know. I didn't want you finding out last, not about this. Forgive me?"

"Only because I'm a mature young woman capable of looking past such things." Rachel replied. "Besides," She added as she linked her arm with Puck's. "Finn was too tall for me."

"So… we're cool?" Puck asked hopefully.

"Oh you still have some major sucking up to do." She told him.

"Huh, what happened to you being mature enough to look past this stuff?" Puck asked.

"I'm a girl, Noah, I get to make up and change the rules as I go along." Rachel explained. "Now, you can start by carrying my books for me."

He took the books and walked along with her, relieved she had taken it as well as she had. He still had to be the one to tell Santana though. That wasn't really a worry for him though, he was sure she was happy being with Brittany. She'd probably make a gay joke about it though.

Sitting down in class beside Rachel, the girl allowed him to copy down her work. She also found time to send him notes asking for details on how everything had happened with Finn. He gave her vague answers, missing out the points about his self-injury just as he had done with Miss Pillsbury.

Making their way through the corridors together, arm-in-arm much like Kurt and Mercedes, Puck and Rachel came across Finn. The taller teen smiled nervously as he approached with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey guys." Finn greeted with a dopey smile.

"Hey dude." Puck replied as he checked his boyfriend out.

"How you doing Rach?" Finn asked.

"Heartbreak only serves to enhance vulnerability and emotion when performing." Rachel replied as she glared daggers at Finn, her nostrils flaring slightly. "If you need me Noah I shall be in the auditorium." She said before storming off, deliberately crushing Finn's foot on the way.

"Ow," Finn hissed. "Is she pissed at you too or just at me?"

"I'm on the road to forgiveness." Puck shrugged. "She's just upset, she's a chick, it'll pass. We just have to do something nice for her."

"Like what?" Finn asked as they waked side by side, their arms lightly brushing against one another every so often.

"I don't know; sing her a song or something." Puck suggested. "So, how'd Carole take the news?"

"She thought I was joking at first." Finn admitted. "But when I got it through to her that I was serious… with a little help from Kurt… she was cool about it. Surprised I think but… she was cool. Oh, she also said to tell you that if you ever hurt me she'll shave your head and pull out your nipple ring."

Puck's hand instantly flew to his mohawk and he winced at the thought of Carole attacking him and pulling the metal out of his nipple.

"Burt was cool," Finn added. "He didn't seem as shocked as mum though. I guess having Kurt as a son means he has really good gaydar."

"What lesson you got next?" Puck asked casually as they neared the Janitor's closet.

"Geography, why?" Finn responded.

"Think you can skip it?" Puck questioned lifting an eyebrow.

"Totally." Finn answered realising where they were and what Puck was getting at.

Checking that no-one was watching, the two threw themselves into the closet only to find it already occupied by Santana and Brittany.

"Are we gonna have group sex?" Brittany asked pulling her mouth away from Santana's pussy to look up at the two boys.

"I'm up for it if you are." Santana shrugged looking between Puck and Finn.

"Um… no thank you." Finn answered as he blushed slightly.

"Come on man, we'll find somewhere else." Puck said nudging Finn towards the door.

"Hey Puck?" Santana called before they could open the door and leave. "Do you know how I know you're gay?"

Puck sighed waiting for her answer.

"Because you're about to step out of the closet." She finished and Brittany giggled in amusement burying her face back in Santana's pussy.

"Later girls." Puck said before opening the door for Finn.

Stepping out, the two of them made their way around the school searching for another good make-out location. As Finn had Puck pinned against the wall with Puck's legs wrapped around his waist, he let out a snort of amusement.

"About to step out of the closet… I get it." Finn laughed.

"Whatever, less talk and more action." Puck replied guiding Finn's mouth back to his own.

After a lot of passionate kisses and some heavy petting, Finn dropped Puck back to his feet and he kneeled before the taller boy. Pulling Finn's cock out of the confines of his Spiderman boxers, Puck took him in his mouth while slipping his hand beneath his jeans and fisting himself so that they could both get off.

As Finn's breathing became more laboured and the thrust of his hips more frantic, Puck knew his boyfriend was close. He sucked hard, his tongue travelling along the throbbing vein on the underside of Finn's cock as he swallowed him down to the base. When Finn gripped his mohawk and reached his end, Puck pulled away refusing to taste the other boy's spunk in his mouth. There were limitations to his gayness thank you very much.

Cleaning themselves up a bit, they went to lunch and sat with the other Gleeks. Kurt kept smirking at the two of them and whispering things to Mercedes who laughed in amusement at whatever he said. Rachel continued to glare at Finn, occasionally throwing peas at his head while he wolfed down his hamburger and fries. Santana was sitting opposite Puck and making lewd sexual implications with her sausages.

In his math class with Miss Pillsbury teaching them, Puck was pleased to find that the other students seemed to have grown bored with staring at him. Now, the only thing people could talk about was the recent fight between Coach Beiste and Coach Sylvester. Rumour had it that both women had just gone crazy and attacked each other like wild animals before smashing through a ground floor window and having to be taken to hospital.

Raising a hand in the air, Puck waited for the Guidance Counsellor to spot him and make her way over. She took the empty seat beside him and looked over his work. He told her what he was having problems understanding and she patiently went through it with him until it made sense.

"Thanks Miss P." He told her with a smile. "And hey, look," Puck searched his bag before pulling out some of the precious photos of himself with Beth that Rachel had handed over in the period before when she had finally fully forgiven him. "She's real gorgeous right?"

"She's beautiful." Miss Pillsbury agreed with a smile as she looked through them. "So how's everything between you and Finn?" She asked in a whisper. "Have you two told your families yet? How did Rachel take it?"

He quietly explained to her how everything had gone. He also told her that they would tell the rest of the Glee club in their next rehearsal. She nodded before asking him to stop by her office at the end of the day before he went to Glee.

When the time came, he left his last lesson and shoved his things in his locker. Passing Kurt, he asked the countertenor to tell Mr. Schue he'd be a little late as he had an appointment with Miss Pillsbury.

Knocking on her door twice, he strode in and sat comfortably in the provided seat. She smiled at him as she straightened out the items on her desk before telling him she had some news. He nodded to show he was listening and she proceeded to inform how the Simon situation was going. As the man had admitted to his guilt it simplified the matter a whole lot more.

"Although he'll be serving time in jail," Miss Pillsbury said. "There's no guarantee he'll complete his full sentence. Much of the time prisoner's are let out early for good behaviour."

"What? That's bullshit." Puck seethed.

"Ordinarily I do not approve of such a word," Miss Pillsbury replied. "But you are correct. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that. Sadly the justice system lacks… justice. However, now that he has a criminal record he'll never be allowed to teach again and he is banned from the premises of McKinley High. Your mother has also been advised to place a restraining order on him if he does indeed get released early, for your protection."

Puck nodded guessing that outcome was as good as he'd get. She smiled gently at him saying he could run along to Glee club but he didn't move. He fidgeted in his seat a little as his thoughts turned to the pocketknife that was still in his bag in his locker. He thought about confiding in her about it, maybe giving her the knife so she could take it away, removing the temptation to take out all his negative feelings on his flesh.

"Is there something else I can do for you?" Miss Pillsbury asked softly.

He opened his mouth before deciding not to tell her. Finn already knew about it and since the blade had once belonged to Finn's father, it seemed only right that Puck give it back to him.

"I just wanted to say thanks." Puck answered. "For everything. You're a pretty awesome chick Miss P."

"You're welcome, Noah." She replied.

He flashed her his most charming smile before heading out the door and joining the others in the choir room to find the majority of them shooting questions at Finn as to how in the hell the two of them got together.

Bringing his finger and thumb to his mouth, Puck let out a shrill whistle effectively silencing them all. As he had their undivided attention, he strode towards Finn pulling him into a hungry kiss.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/faved/alerted**

**Chapter 15**

Breaking the kiss, Puck's lips turned upwards into his trade-mark smirk. He then looked out to the faces of the other Glee kids. Kurt was on his phone, obviously not shocked like most of the others as he already knew about them. Santana was smirking and Brittany was whispering in her ear. Although Puck couldn't hear what the girl he said, he liked to imagine it was something about how hot he and Finn were together.

Sitting alone at the back, Rachel looked a little hurt but was trying to hide it. He felt another stab of guilt for being so insensitive as to overlook how making-out with Finn would affect her so soon after her and Finn's break-up.

Mercedes' eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open, her head tilted to the side. The look on Tina's face was very similar only her head was titled at the opposite angle. Mike's face was screwed up in disgust, not in a homophobic way, just in an I-really-didn't-want-to-witness-that kind of way.

In his wheelchair, Artie had slipped off his glasses and was polishing them on his shirt while muttering the elements on the periodic table to himself in a whisper.

Beside Quinn, Sam just looked puzzled. As for Quinn, she was staring from Finn, to Puck, to Sam, then a suspicious look to Kurt before back to Finn again.

Then there was Mr. Schue with his forehead resting atop the piano.

"Questions, comments?" Puck asked looking round at them all as he stepped in front of Finn with his hands on his hips, in a very masculine way of course.

"You guys are so hot." Brittany spoke up and Santana nodded her agreement, as did Tina before Mike elbowed her lightly.

"Is it safe to put my glasses back on?" Artie asked sounding a little queasy.

"Everything's fine, Artie." Kurt told him as he put his phone away.

"You knew?" Mercedes accused looking to her best friend. "Damn white boy, why didn't you tell me such golden gossip?"

"It wasn't my place to say." Kurt replied. "Besides, at lunch I was pointing out all the evidence of Puck's homosexuality to you. That was me cluing you in on what was to happen."

"But… but… I thought you were kidding." Mercedes said lamely. "I didn't think it was actually possible for Puck to be gay. Finn either, they both dress like hobo's."

"While I agree that my step-brother and his new boyfriend both lack any sense of style," Kurt commented. "I must point out that you are stereotyping my dear. Not all gays have the same impeccable fashion taste as I do."

"We're only a little bit gay." Finn mumbled from behind Puck.

"If you are all quite done discussing Finn and Puck's… relationship?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Relationship." Puck and Finn said together with a shrug.

"Relationship, congratulations." Mr. Schue continued. "Now, could we please return to rehearsal? We've got a lot of work to do guys."

"Not just yet," Quinn stated standing up and looking between Puck and Finn before darting a quick look to Sam and then Kurt. "I need to know how and why two of my exes are suddenly playing for the other team."

"They're my exes too." Rachel pointed out glumly.

"And I did the nasty with both of them before either of you two did." Santana interjected proudly.

"Is there something wrong with me?" Quinn asked. "Did I somehow turn you two gay? Is Sam going to turn gay?" She looked despairingly to her blonde-haired boyfriend before throwing a look to Kurt as though warning him to keep away.

"Relax, Quinn." Kurt told her. "So not interested. No offence, Samuel."

"Um… none taken." Sam replied with a smile.

"Oh my gosh, you were totally flirting with him." Quinn panicked.

"Huh?" Sam responded staring at her in bemusement.

"Well technically Rachel was with Finn after Quinn so if anyone turned him it must have been her." Brittany said sounding reasonably intelligent for once.

"Oh please, people cannot just be turned gay overnight." Kurt told them all. "It isn't contagious. Finn and Puck have always wanted each other, they were just too young to realise that when they first met and as the years passed by they simply became too idiotic to understand their feelings. Now that they have, I think it best to just let them be."

"Does that mean we can't have group sex?" Brittany asked in disappointment looking to Santana.

"I'm sure we can work something out." Santana answered her before throwing a flirtatious look to the two boys.

"Enough!" Mr. Schue called reclaiming their attention. "Seriously now, we need to rehearse."

"I couldn't agree more." Rachel huffed as she stood to her feet and moved to the middle of the room. "I suggest we begin with a run-through of 'Don't Stop Believing' to get us warmed up."

"Great idea." Mr. Schue praised. "Alright, come on guys." He instructed clapping his hands.

After Glee club, the majority of the group sent a final look of shocked confusion to Puck and Finn before leaving. Linking arms with Mercedes, Kurt said goodbye to his step-brother then to Mr. Schue before heading out. Clutching tightly to Sam's hand, Quinn kept asking him if he was gay, bisexual or bi-curious. He kept telling her 'no' hoping to relieve her insecurities but so far it wasn't working.

Finally, Rachel said goodbye to Mr. Schue before waving shyly to the two boys.

"Hey Rach, wait up." Puck called to her and Finn jogged behind him as they caught up with her. "You busy tonight?"

"I have homework." Rachel shrugged.

"Homework's for losers." Puck scoffed. "You're too cool for that. Come and hang out with me and Finn."

"Oh, I really don't want to intrude." Rachel said. "Being a third wheel simply isn't my idea of a fun evening."

"Come on babe, we'll have fun." Puck told her. "We're all still friend's right?"

Rachel looked up at Finn and he smiled down at her hopefully. Her face settled into a frown for a while before her expression relaxed and she nodded with a smile.

"Great, so let's head out." Puck said. "We can watch a movie, your choice." He told her.

"Very well." Rachel finally agreed. "I'll just call to let daddy know."

Taking his cell phone out, Finn text Kurt to tell him to tell his mum and Burt he'd be home late. Puck quickly sent his mum a text assuring her he was out with Finn. The three then clambered into Puck's truck and he drove to the cinema. They got themselves drink and popcorn before finding seats together as they settled down to watch the chick-flick musical Rachel had insisted upon watching.

"You so owe me a blow-job for this later." Finn whispered to Puck who smirked in response looking very much forward to it.

On their way out of the movie theatre a couple of hours later, Rachel was rambling on about the flaws in the film and suggestions as to how the lead actress' character could have been improved as well as pointing out that the singing was only mediocre.

"Ok Idina Menzel," Puck interrupted clamping a hand over her mouth. "We get it, you're better than those sluts in that dumb movie. But don't worry, one day you'll be the star leading lady who everybody talks about."

"You really think so, Noah?" Rachel asked linking arms with him as Finn trailed behind them.

"Hell yeah, you and Kurt are really gonna go places." Puck told her. "Nothing could stop you two. Damn, you could be in a car crash and you'd still stubbornly make your way to an audition. Now come on, food."

"Please remember to consider I'm a vegetarian." Rachel said as she linked her free arm with Finn's, a subtle sign that she had forgiven him.

The three teens made their way to the nearest pizza place. While Puck and Finn both had a large to themselves, Rachel had a small plain cheese. They laughed and talked as they ate, Rachel reprimanding them everytime they spoke with their mouths full.

As soon as Finn had eaten as much as he could stomach, the three of them split the cost before the boys allowed Rachel to drag them to a karaoke bar. Puck attempted to get them alcohol at the bar but failed miserably much to Finn and Rachel's amusement. They settled for coke and water before finding a table and watching the tone-deaf drunks of Lima humiliate themselves on stage.

After finishing her water, Rachel made her way to the stage and practically overtook control of the karaoke machine. She sang a solo, before doing a duet with Puck, a duet with Finn, forcing the two boys to sing a duet together, and then she had the three of them sing before she performed another solo, and then she did a medley with a drunken man wearing a bowler hat before another solo.

The three of them were then asked to leave as it was too late for underage people to be in the bar. With Rachel still singing joyously, they returned to Puck's truck and drove around for a while just singing, laughing and talking before Rachel announced that she was tired. He drove her home and walked her up to the door.

"Thank you for today." Rachel told him.

"Sure." Puck replied. "Thanks for letting me steal your man."

"Come with me to Shelby's tomorrow?" Rachel asked.

"Definitely." Puck grinned as he hugged her. "You're awesome, babe."

"I am aware of this fact." She smiled arrogantly. "People often overlook my talent so it's nice to find someone intelligent enough to appreciate the wonder that is me. I honestly don't understand why they don't see what a shining star I am."

"Because you're shining so bright that you blind them." Puck told her. "Plus your personality is a little grating and you're frequently rude and insulting without meaning to be."

"The first part of that speech was sweet." Rachel said. "Thank you, Noah. Goodnight."

"Night." He answered letting her go before heading back to his boyfriend. "So… you said something about a blow-job?"

"Your place or mine?" Finn asked.

"Well I don't want Amy to overhear anything." Puck said as he drove not yet sure where they were going. "And my mum will probably try and plan our wedding if you set foot in the house. What about Carole and Burt?"

"They're on a date tonight." Finn answered. "Won't be back till the early morning. I'm sure I could ask Kurt to go hang with Mercedes."

"He can join in if he wants." Puck replied without thinking.

"Dude, that's my step-brother." Finn pointed out.

"What?" Puck asked defensively. "You gotta admit, the guy's kinda pretty."

"I prefer muscles, mohawks and tanned skin." Finn replied.

Puck smirked before driving towards the Hummel-Hudson house. He parked in the driveway but pulled Finn back when he made to step out.

"What's up man?" Finn asked.

Letting out a sigh, Puck reached over to the backseat and pulled his schoolbag onto his lap. Opening it up, he rummaged through the contents before taking out the pocketknife that had once belonged to Finn's father. He handed it over to his boyfriend without making eye-contact.

"Dude?" Finn questioned gently waiting for an explanation.

"It was your dad's." Puck told him. "You remember that we used it together that one time? That whole blood brothers thing."

"Yeah, I remember." Finn answered as he ran the closed pocketknife over the place on his hand where he had made the small cut as a child.

"I stole it." Puck admitted even though that fact was obvious. "And that's what I've been using to… to cut."

"No more dude, promise me." Finn said.

Puck bit his lower lip not entirely sure if that was a promise he could keep.

"I'll try." Puck answered as that was the best he could give him. "Is that enough… am I enough?"

"You're still my best friend." Finn told him. "I'm gonna help you through this shit. You said you did it to because you needed to feel something right?" Puck nodded. "Well there are other ways to feel. I figure I can take care of that."

He moved his hand round to the back of Puck's neck before pulling his face towards him for a kiss. Pulling away to breathe, they let their foreheads rest against one another for a few minutes before exiting the truck and making their way inside.

They found Kurt in the living-room with Mercedes watching some girly T.V show. Finn stowed the pocketknife away in his jeans pocket before clearing his throat to announce their presence.

"Um… hey." Finn said awkwardly as the two paused in filing their nails to look at them with a single eyebrow raised expectantly. "See Puck and I wanted… I mean, er… could the two of you maybe… the thing is…"

"Me and Finn are gonna do the nasty." Puck declared bluntly. "I suggest you either turn the T.V up loud or just leave."

"What he said." Finn mumbled before grabbing Puck's wrist and racing upstairs.

As they chased one another into Finn's room and locked the door behind them, they suddenly became shy.

"Maybe we should ask Kurt for instructions." Finn suggested. "I don't really know what we're supposed to do." He admitted.

"I'm not too sure either." Puck said truthfully. "But we'll figure it out."

They met one another in a kiss, something they both knew how to do and were entirely comfortable with. Shedding their clothes, the two made their way to the bed before falling down on the mattress, Finn on top of Puck.

"Don't look at them." Puck pleaded sounding uncharacteristically vulnerable.

"Hey, they don't bother me." Finn assured him as he lightly traced the etching of his name on Puck's arm. "I still think you're hot. Now… what was it you said to me today? Less talk, more action."

"On it." Puck replied as his confidence slowly returned.

He suckled on Finn's neck for a few moments before rolling them over then moving down the bed. Reaching Finn's burgeoning erection, Puck took it in hand before bringing his mouth down on the hard organ. As promised, he gave Finn a blow-job, his confidence being fully restored as he made Finn moan, pant and grunt before exploding into his mouth.

Puck spat Finn's load into the bin, his face twisted with revulsion at the taste.

"Shit man, you could've warned me." Puck complained.

"Sorry." Finn gasped. "I tried but I couldn't really talk. You're just too good."

Smirking at the praise, Puck moved so that he was on top of Finn, his own hardness pressed into Finn's stomach.

"So… you gonna take care of Puckzilla?" He asked.

"Ok." Finn answered with a nervous smile. "How are we… um, how are gonna do this?"

"I think it's pretty simple." Puck told him as he absentmindedly rubbed and pinched Finn's nipples, slowly inspiring new life in Finn's cock. "We prepare first using the fingers, just like fingering a girl but in the ass, then you put the condom on and put the cock in. It's not that different than with a chick."

"No, I meant… who's gonna be on top?" Finn asked looking at Puck's large dick fearfully obviously hoping it wouldn't be him.

"You wanna top me?" Puck asked secretly just as nervous at the thought of having a dick inside of him but putting on a façade of bravery.

"Yeah, yeah I want to." Finn breathed squeezing Puck's buttocks and kissing him.

"Condom, lube?" Puck asked as Finn pressed kisses to his neck.

"Oh… don't have any." Finn replied sheepishly.

"Idiot." Puck muttered pushing him off and yanking on Finn's boxers. "I'll be back in a minute."

He left the bedroom and hurried downstairs finding Kurt and Mercedes still cuddled together in front of the television.

"Hey, Hummel." Puck called and the two of them looked round.

"Need a little guidance?" Mercedes asked in amusement.

"I think we can manage." Puck told her. "But I was sorta hoping you had a condom and some lube."

"Say please." Kurt responded.

"Please, Hummel." Puck begged through clenched teeth.

"Hmm… no I'm not so sure I should help you out." Kurt replied as Mercedes giggled darkly.

"Come on, I'm Puckersaurus, I need to get laid or I'll go psycho." Puck said. "Fuck, I'll totally suck you off if you just give me what I want, pretty boy."

"As if I'd want sexual favours from my step-brother's boyfriend." Kurt huffed clearly unimpressed by Puck's offer. "And if you're already looking for sex elsewhere I'm not sure I want you _dating _my step-brother."

"It would seem he's still the same Puck after all." Mercedes added. "Only interested in sex no matter what it comes from."

"That's not true." Puck defended. "I'm just desperate right now; I haven't gotten any in forever. Come on, if you've got the lube just give me it or Finn's gonna tear me open."

"Whoa, slow down." Mercedes laughed in surprise. "You're the bottom?"

"Finn's not man enough to take my huge dick so I'm being a badass and taking his." Puck answered. "Now stop being a pair of bitches. Are you gonna give me the lube or what?"

"One second." Kurt told him before moving off the sofa and heading towards his basement.

Feeling awkward being alone with Mercedes, Puck took to looking round at the photos on the wall. Thankfully, Kurt was back fairly quickly and handing him the tube of lube but informed him he didn't have any condoms left.

"You getting a lot of action then, Hummel?" Puck asked slightly impressed. "Not as innocent as you act, huh?"

"Go away now." Kurt snapped blushing a little as he sat with Mercedes again.

"Seriously though, it isn't Sam is it?" Puck asked thinking of how devastated Quinn would be if her most recent boyfriend also turned out to be a little bit gay.

"If you must know, it's a very charming boy named Blaine." Kurt answered. "Now get back to Finn."

"This kid better be a good guy, Hummel." Puck told him. "And if he's not, Finn, Mercedes and I will totally beat the crap out of him."

"You're being nice to me." Kurt pointed out suspiciously.

"Well now that Finn's my boy, that makes you my little brother too." Puck replied before leaning in to press a quick kiss to Kurt's cheek, then one to Mercedes purely to see the look of fury cross her features. "Later." He called before running back to Finn.

Upon his return, he found Finn spread out on the bed stroking himself. The sight was insanely hot and Puck smirked before shimmying out of Finn's boxers and jumping beside him on the bed.

Sitting up, Finn took the lube from him and kissed him eagerly as he pushed Puck onto his back. Lying underneath Finn, Puck felt the sense of nervousness creep back in and could feel his heart hammering harshly against his chest.

"Relax." Finn told him softly as he brought a lubed finger to Puck's asshole.

Puck jumped at the unexpected feel and his entire body tensed up. Kissing his neck, Finn whispered for him to breathe and assured him he wasn't going to hurt him. Biting down on his lower lip, Puck managed to relax a little and spread his legs further to give Finn better access.

The first finger wasn't too bad and the second finger slipped in with surprising ease. The third finger was a little more painful but Puck was a badass so he took it like a man. After being thoroughly stretched, which was an incredibly weird sensation for Puck, Finn coated his penis with lube before guiding his cock to Puck's hole.

"You sure?" Finn asked giving Puck a final opportunity to back out.

Not trusting himself to speak, Puck simply nodded and Finn slowly pushed his way in. The pain was worse than Puck had anticipated and the hint of a scream passed through his mouth, his teeth still biting down on his lip causing it to bleed.

Finn froze above him, his eyes wide in fear that he'd hurt him. Closing his eyes, Puck wrapped his hands tightly around Finn's back and shifted his hips, pulling Finn deeper inside of him. It hurt even more than the first inch but Puck stubbornly bit down on his lip refusing to let out a shriek of pain.

Taking it slowly, Finn sheathed himself fully inside of Puck and held himself still giving the tanned boy time to adjust. Chest to chest, the two boys could feel one another's hearts beating rapidly against one another.

"Don't do that, man." Finn whispered bringing his thumb up to Puck's bleeding lip.

Puck released the bleeding skin from the trap of his teeth and opened his eyes to look up at Finn who was now moving slowly in and out of him.

"Fuck." Puck hissed finding the new experience and feelings overwhelmingly odd but still incredibly good once the pain had wore off.

Gripping Finn's hair, Puck pulled his boyfriend's lips towards his own. Their mouths and tongues moved together as they shared blood stained kisses.

_Sometimes I find it hard to cope_

_Losing my mind and losing hope_

_All this bullshit in my head_

_Makes me wish that I was dead_

_So much pain and so much stress_

_Life is just one fucked up mess._

_So I cut again._

_Blood running down my arm once more_

_That crimson river I adore_

_And even if I don't survive_

_At least I'll know I was alive_

_The only way I feel calm_

_Is with a scarlet-covered arm._

_And I cut again._

_Put that silver to my skin_

_Feel my tortured soul within_

_Crying in silence as my blood flows_

_A marvellous red just like a rose_

_You know that you have fallen far_

_When all you crave is one more scar._

_Then I cut again._

_Finally I give to you my knife_

_And you help me to enjoy my life_

_You show me there's another way to feel_

_And remind me that love is real_

_Now lying with you I feel such bliss_

_As we share a blood stained kiss._

**The End**

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**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


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